My 5 Stages of Dealing With Irreversible Climate Change.
Ellie Brzezenski
186

All too many cries of Wolf.

You’ve not lived through many “end of the world” events yet.

Having seen somewhere north of 50 loops around the Sun, I’ve lived through many societal and environmental disasters — devastating they were . . .

In the early part of the 1970s we were running out of food. Or at least that’s what the scientists told us. I was a pre-teen, and scared witless. My parents were as I am now . . . violently unconcerned.

Then there was the coming ice age, the scientific consensus of the day don’t-cha-know. NASA scientists were developing plans to broadcast soot on the glaciers to cause them to melt preventing snow ball earth.

Of course this was followed by “peak oil”. In case you’ve not heard we ran out of oil decades ago . . . it was very sad —almost.

The ozone hole growing over the south pole. We are all going to die from skin cancer . Except that ozone is created by sunlight striking oxygen in the atmosphere splitting an O2 molecule, with each half having a tryst with another O2 molecule forming an O3 ozone molecule. It turns out that the air over the south pole doesn’t receive any sunlight in the winter. No sunlight, no ozone! Of course you aren’t very likely to be running around with a single centimeter of skin exposed in the -50C Antarctic in the winter. Imagine that — irony of ironies.

The great crash! The Mormon church started that one. They predicted an asteroid smacking the earth causing a two year night. Could happen. Everyone bought up food for 2 years. My parents still have like 400 lbs of wheat in their garage.

Paper bags are destroying the environment! Yes it used to be that paper shopping bags were the source of all evil. Almost got outlawed too.

Styrofoam, styrofoam was the source of all evil for a bit.

The population bomb, that one was actually the first of the series. Some hippy book, everyone bought it. Had that funky hippy art cover. Made some hippy millions.

The Arctic ice will be gone by 2015, except that its still there.

The Himalayan ice will also be gone by 2016, hmmm still there.

Beginning in 2005 the eastern seaboard will be continuously destroyed by hurricanes. We’ve finally ended the hurricane drought which lasted 11 years.

So there. Keep a journal of all the environmental and societal disasters. Better yet, study the past disasters and spin up your own. Could boost you up into the 0.1%, even get you a cushy university gig.

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