I’m sitting in at Google IO waiting for a talk when a man walks in front of bragging about how he just sold his new LG G for $10. “At least I can get a decent cup of coffee now”, he says with hearty laugh. It wasn’t just him.

“I called my boyfriend to see which watch he wanted” another attendee spouted, before even picking up her watch. We all knew why. The face would be too large for a female wrist, giving the impression that she was fashionably clueless at best or on prison release at worst.

After the announcement and first reviews, I was pretty shocked how forgiving people have been. Googles foray into wearables is laughable at best. At best, 52% of the people will never put this thing on unless they are going for a jog. Even then I have my doubts. As an avid runner and former life triathlon junkie, why would I put on a giant watch that also requires lugging around a smart phone when I’m pushing rubber to the road? I prefer to put on my trusty musty Suunto which gets better, more accurate data and can surely survive a bike crash or two.

Android Wear is more than workout data, which makes it even sadder. Targeted at just health and fitness, the ugly form factor is slightly excusable (although this market is getting competitive and good). Targeted at anything else, and all you have is a constant reminder that Google Now is watching you (for your convenience of course) wrapped in a sad fashion faux pas. The LG website did it’s best to remind us that it tried, but in some industries you don’t get an A for effort. Is this really farther along than what Pebble did 2 years ago? It sure doesn’t seem like it. I am just as annoyed with Bluetooth sucking my phone battery as I was with Pebble.

Beyond the giant size and cheap look, they have make up for lack of any sane input by providing voice recognition software. If people liked enunciating awkwardly at devices to dictate notes, maybe texting in cars wouldn’t be banned in 37states. It looks dumb, feels dumb, and the voice recognition still misses 20% of words. I tried to set a reminder to “smash my new watch with a hammer tomorrow at 7am”, only to have it go off at 10:34 pm and say “hash my new witch with a hammer”. If I had a new witch, I definitely wouldn’t need this watch.