Worst Case Scenario

ELECTION UPDATE: Neck and Neck!

Carissa Donaldson, The Republic | azcentral.com 1:45 p.m. MST November 9, 2016

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RedRover Arizona State University
First!

MediumMassage idk
 It never gets old. Oh wait, yes it does.

RedRover Arizona State University
 Come at me bro

GOCARDS
LOL

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Guess what happens next

RedRover Arizona State University
 You go sleep in a tub? With tin foil on your lil pointy head?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Guess again

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 Ooo ooo ooo pick me! Now we sit around for two weeks

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 while they count everything up again.

Daniella
The Republicans steal another election?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
we get to listen to liberal bitches whine when they lose again

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
try again

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 MSNBC goes into hysterics? you piss your pants? am I gettingwarm

Daniella
 Do you have to be so predictable, meathead?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 Do you have to be so predictable? bitch?

Daniella
 Why don’t you suck my dick?

RedRover Arizona State University
 Uhh…

GOCARDS
 SHE SAID DICK

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 think your caps lock is stuck again

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
Looks like Trump picked up Ohio

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
and Florida

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 smart people

Daniella
 what do you know about smart?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
One of the Texas electors not going to vote for Trump

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 such bullshit. HE WON THE POPULAR VOTE

GOCARDS
 I AGREE BUDDY YOUR RIGHT

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 Maine went Trump whoah!

ChoTime Something Funny Here

GOCARDS
 LOL

Daniella
 Something’s bullshit about that

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 Oh Jesus. Whenever you libs lose you start whining 
 when are you going to realize you lost the country
 years ago?

Daniella
 Fuck. You.

GOCARDS
 LOL

RedRover Arizona State University
 Seriously who gives a shit.

RedRover Arizona State University
 Can’t we all just get along?

Squierplayer
 Nope

RedRover Arizona State University
 oh

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
This is crazy. Trump’s winning the popular vote
by 20000 so far but he’s down 22 electoral votes

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 hes gonna pull through, just watch

Daniella
 It makes me feel bad for America

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 People think Hilary botched the campaign but she’s got the lead. 
 Amazing really.

Daniella
 Why is that amazing? Seriously?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
It’s amazing the liberals are backing
a felon no one likes

Daniella 
it’s amazing the GOP is backing Trump.

Daniella
 Actually, I guess they’re not really.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 He’s going to be the next president, get over it.

Daniella
 Then I’m going to Mexico. If they’ll let me out.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 Adios!

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
I don’t think any of you recognize the severity of the situation.

RedRover Arizona State University
 Oh, it’s very severe. Extremely severe.

RedRover Arizona State University
 Extrasuperfragilistically severe.

RedRover Arizona State University
 What were we talking about now?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 The 1st and 2nd Battalion of the 285th out of Camp Navajo
 rolled into Phoenix last night. Also the 1st Battalion of the 
 158th.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 He’s talking about the National Guard.

RedRover Arizona State University
 That’s because of the protesters. We already knew that.

MediumMassage idk
 Occupy Phoenix bra!

GOCARDS
 LOL

RedRover Arizona State University
 Come on Sleepaholic. You can do better than that.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 Why do they need 10000 National Guardsmen
 for 200 protesters?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 These protesters are zombies?

RedRover Arizona State University
 I heard some of them were armed.

Daniella
 This is Arizona. Yeehaw!

Daniella
 *blows smoke from gun*

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 do mine next, honey

Daniella
 reported

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 ditto

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 When’s the last time you saw a mod?

RedRover Arizona State University
I wanna hear more about this conspiracy

MediumMassage idk
 What conspiracy?

RedRover Arizona State University
 Read the thread dude!

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
“We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted
influence, whether sought or unsought, by the 
the military-industrial complex.” Dwight Eisenhower

Daniella
 Google fu?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 I’m pretty sure he has that stuff memorized.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
“I never had any thought that when I set up the CIA that
it would be injected into peacetime cloak and dagger operations.” 
Harry S. Truman.

Squierplayer
 Operation CHAOS the US vs John Lennon

RedRover Arizona State University
 He was a commie anyway

RedRover Arizona State University

Daniella
 oh God.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 McCarthy was right, its been proven

Daniella
 My ass

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 Is fat…

Daniella
 reported

RedRover Arizona State University
And the conspiracy?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 Think about it. Both of these candidates are hated 
 by huge segments of the population. Whoever wins
 will preside over a completely ineffective government.
 every city is choked with protesters right now. The 
 National Guard has been mobilized, but also the police,
 the Coast Guard, and we are recalling troops from Japan
 Europe, and Iraq. WHY?

RedRover Arizona State University
 Citation please.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 I can’t share my sources here. But you can use Google Earth

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 For what it’s worth, some of this is public record.

RedRover Arizona State University
 How many troops are we talking about?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 Estimated 250000. Leaving a skeleton crew in
 foreign bases.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness 
 basically what Trump said!!!

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
To reiterate, some of this troop movement
is public record. The justifications given don’t
add up. Experts disagree on the numbers,
but we do know tens of thousands at least
have been recalled. Which is strange, since
as far as I know, neither Mexico nor Canada
is in imminent danger of rolling across the
border.

RedRover Arizona State University
 You too, man?

Daniella
So why are they here?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 The only thing that makes sense is as a 
 precaution against post-election disorder.
 In my opinion.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 250000 troops is enough to take over
 Canada. Maybe we should just do it.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 If I’m right, it won’t be post-, but during.

RedRover Arizona State University
 In other words, right now.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 Look out your window

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 I see… Mexicans!

RedRover Arizona State University
 I see — lib art dorks playing Frisbee in the quad
 Daniella cinderblock wall with graffiti on it

Squierplayer
 Car. a homeless dude. A bus.

GOCARDS
 SOME TROOPS ACTUALLY

Daniella
 …

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 Where are you Gocards?

GOCARDS
 IN MY TRUCK

ChoTime Something Funny Here 
Did he make a funny?

GOCARDS
 GOING SOUTH ON CENTRAL
 AND ROOSEVELT. TROOPS HAVE
 BLOCKED THE ROAD. ITS BACKED
 UP FOR MILES.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 Anyone else downtown?

MediumMassage idk
 I am. It’s kinda crazy right now.
 They’ve got machine guns

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 Probably M16s NOT a machine gun!

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 Sleepaholic was right?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 OF COURSE they’re going to have guns. What are
 they supposed to use, strong language?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Anyone out in the suburbs?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 I am. Of Honolulu.

RedRover Arizona State University
 WTF are you on this site for?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 Cardinals fan.

Squierplayer
I’m near Chandler and the I10, why?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 Can you go outside and look in the air?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 Holy shit

Squierplayer
 just a sec

RedRover Arizona State University
 Got a bad feeling about this

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 You always say that, Frost. You always
 say I gotta bad feeling about this drop.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 Aliens reference.

Squierplayer
Well there are drones out here

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 Armed drones?

Squierplayer
 I don’t think so
 there’s a shitload of them
 like hundreds.

RedRover Arizona State University
 HOLY FUCK that’s creepy. I’m in ECON
 I’m outta here.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 I think school’s going to be out for a while.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 TBH there are drones outside the gym too.
 Here in North Phoenix.

Daniella 
I see a few here in South Phoenix not many.
Not gonna lie. I’m a little concerned now.

Squierplayer
 So am I. Traffic’s starting to get jammed here
 too. And I hear sirens.

Daniella
 I’m getting sirens too

Daniella
So…WTF?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
It’s like I’ve been saying for months. The NWO
guys are scared. They’re using the chaos of a 
close, bitterly-contested election as cover to 
stage a coup. Expect there to be some staged 
violent protests, maybe even a false flag 
explosion of some sort. That will give them the
excuse to call in the military.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 I assume you all are watching the news? The
 Washington monument?

Daniella
 OMFG.

GOCARDS
WATCH OUT THEY’RE ARRESTING PEOPLE
NOW.

Daniella
 Why? The protesters?

GOCARDS
 NOPE THEY’RE GOING INTO OFFICE BUILDINGS
 AND COMINGOUT WITH FOLKS IN HANDCUFFS
 GLAD IM PACKING

MediumMassage idk
 Theyre coming in my building now. FML

Daniella
 Idk what to say good luck MM

Daniella
 can someone tell me WTF is going on?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 obviously this was the plan all along. Otherwise
 they couldn’t execute it this smoothly, all at once.
 They’re going to round up dissidents and other
 people who could cause trouble for them.

RedRover Arizona State University
 Back. They’re locking down ASU, I
 barely got out. Now what?

Daniella
 How do they choose who to arrest?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 Dems, probably

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
 No, this is not a Republican operation. It’s not
 the Democrats, either. Most likely it’s a coalition
 of multi-nationals, financiers, and industrialists.
 This political destabilization is both a threat and
 an opportunity. And they’re acting on it.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 TL;DR: YOURE CRAZY

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE LISTENING TO THIS SHIT
 SMH

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 They’re saying it was an Islamic terrorist and
 declaring a state of emergency.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 The Washington monument is GONE.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Here is my advice. If you think you’re on the list,
you need to get out of town. Don’t go to the bank
Don’t forward your mail, fill up your car and just
GO. If it’s not already too late.

RedRover Arizona State University
 How do we know if we’re on a list?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
 THERE’S NO LIST IDIOT!

GOCARDS
 I JUST SAW A DRONE CHASE A LADY DOWN THE STREET!

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 Guess she was on the list.

Squierplayer
 Uh… so this is really happening.

RedRover Arizona State University
Sleepaholic — can you give any advice 
about this list? I would like to know.

Squierplayer
 I’m ready to listen, too.

Daniella
 You’re probably fine unless you
 download porn.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 whew! guess we’re all good then.

RedRover Arizona State University
originalWB? what do you think about it?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 I don’t know, RR. I’m in a state of shock
 right now. Assuming Sleepaholic’s reading
 of events is correct, the junta would want
 to eliminate possible elements of resistance.
 The French Resistance against the Nazis 
 was comprised of far right elements, communists,
 Jews, Armenians, and women.

Daniella
 Uh oh

RedRover Arizona State University
 I’m Jewish

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 Does Buddy count as far right?

Squierplayer
 Nothing about musicians, though?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 I’m not saying the junta is going to go after
 those groups. Just thinking aloud at this point.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 It’s big data. Every site you visit, every
 tweet you make, every facebook post
 you like, they’re keeping track.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 I agree. If you match a profile of one of
 one of the suspect groups, you would 
 be on a list. It’s automated now.

RedRover Arizona State University
 So let’s say I read aljazeera.com sometimes…

Daniella
 now I wish I had a flip phone 
 
Daniella
What happened to MediumMassage?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
 His last post was a while ago.
 Haven’t heard from Buddy either.

RedRover Arizona State University
 I’ve got a full tank and I’m heading up the
 Beeline. It’s on the reservation, maybe it’ll
 be safe

Daniella
 Good luck

RedRover Arizona State University
 Thanks you too. What are you going to do?

Daniella
 I’m not going anywhere. My moms and all

Squierplayer
Getting quiet around here. Any updates?

Daniella
 Watching the news. They say stay home
 don’t go out.

Squierplayer
 Some army dudes just went into the
 Verizon store and cuffed a sales guy.

Daniella
Fuck

Squierplayer
What is it?

Daniella
 Shit shit shit someone’s at the door
 Mom’s going crazy

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
 Daniella, are you all right?

Squierplayer
 What’s happening?

Squierplayer
 Anyone?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
People, I’m going to be with my family now. Good luck
everyone.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
I can see some drones over Pearl Harbor.
I’m going dark.

GOCARDS
A TANK JUST RAN OVER SOME GUY’S CAR!

GOCARDS
I HEARD SOME SHOTS A FEW MINUTES AGO

GOCARDS 
GI JOE’S COMING UP TO MY TRUCK NOW

GOCARDS
I GOT A SURPRISE FOR HIM


Author’s note: I wrote this a few months before the 2016 US Presidential Election, but didn’t manage to get it published. At the time, it was science fiction; now, it’s alternate history. A lot of the banter was inspired by my years participating in online comment sections: Shoutout to my boys at Igglesblitz!

Second note: formatting Medium stories to look like a message board is extremely labor intensive. But that’s why they pay me the big bucks.