Worst Case Scenario

Michael W. Cho
Oct 5, 2017 · 10 min read
Image for post
Image for post

ELECTION UPDATE: Neck and Neck!

RedRover Arizona State University
First!

MediumMassage idk
It never gets old. Oh wait, yes it does.

RedRover Arizona State University
Come at me bro

GOCARDS
LOL

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Guess what happens next

RedRover Arizona State University
You go sleep in a tub? With tin foil on your lil pointy head?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Guess again

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Ooo ooo ooo pick me! Now we sit around for two weeks

ChoTime Something Funny Here
while they count everything up again.

Daniella
The Republicans steal another election?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
we get to listen to liberal bitches whine when they lose again

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
try again

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
MSNBC goes into hysterics? you piss your pants? am I gettingwarm

Daniella
Do you have to be so predictable, meathead?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
Do you have to be so predictable? bitch?

Daniella
Why don’t you suck my dick?

RedRover Arizona State University
Uhh…

GOCARDS
SHE SAID DICK

ChoTime Something Funny Here
think your caps lock is stuck again

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
Looks like Trump picked up Ohio

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
and Florida

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
smart people

Daniella
what do you know about smart?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
One of the Texas electors not going to vote for Trump

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
such bullshit. HE WON THE POPULAR VOTE

GOCARDS
I AGREE BUDDY YOUR RIGHT

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
Maine went Trump whoah!

ChoTime Something Funny Here

Image for post
Image for post

GOCARDS
LOL

Daniella
Something’s bullshit about that

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
Oh Jesus. Whenever you libs lose you start whining
when are you going to realize you lost the country
years ago?

Daniella
Fuck. You.

GOCARDS
LOL

RedRover Arizona State University
Seriously who gives a shit.

RedRover Arizona State University
Can’t we all just get along?

Squierplayer
Nope

RedRover Arizona State University
oh

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
This is crazy. Trump’s winning the popular vote
by 20000 so far but he’s down 22 electoral votes

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
hes gonna pull through, just watch

Daniella
It makes me feel bad for America

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
People think Hilary botched the campaign but she’s got the lead.
Amazing really.

Daniella
Why is that amazing? Seriously?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
It’s amazing the liberals are backing
a felon no one likes

Daniella
it’s amazing the GOP is backing Trump.

Daniella
Actually, I guess they’re not really.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
He’s going to be the next president, get over it.

Daniella
Then I’m going to Mexico. If they’ll let me out.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
Adios!

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
I don’t think any of you recognize the severity of the situation.

RedRover Arizona State University
Oh, it’s very severe. Extremely severe.

RedRover Arizona State University
Extrasuperfragilistically severe.

RedRover Arizona State University
What were we talking about now?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
The 1st and 2nd Battalion of the 285th out of Camp Navajo
rolled into Phoenix last night. Also the 1st Battalion of the
158th.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
He’s talking about the National Guard.

RedRover Arizona State University
That’s because of the protesters. We already knew that.

MediumMassage idk
Occupy Phoenix bra!

GOCARDS
LOL

RedRover Arizona State University
Come on Sleepaholic. You can do better than that.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Why do they need 10000 National Guardsmen
for 200 protesters?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
These protesters are zombies?

RedRover Arizona State University
I heard some of them were armed.

Daniella
This is Arizona. Yeehaw!

Daniella
*blows smoke from gun*

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
do mine next, honey

Daniella
reported

ChoTime Something Funny Here
ditto

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
When’s the last time you saw a mod?

RedRover Arizona State University
I wanna hear more about this conspiracy

MediumMassage idk
What conspiracy?

RedRover Arizona State University
Read the thread dude!

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
“We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted
influence, whether sought or unsought, by the
the military-industrial complex.” Dwight Eisenhower

Daniella
Google fu?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
I’m pretty sure he has that stuff memorized.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
“I never had any thought that when I set up the CIA that
it would be injected into peacetime cloak and dagger operations.”
Harry S. Truman.

Squierplayer
Operation CHAOS the US vs John Lennon

RedRover Arizona State University
He was a commie anyway

RedRover Arizona State University

Image for post
Image for post

Daniella
oh God.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
McCarthy was right, its been proven

Daniella
My ass

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
Is fat…

Daniella
reported

RedRover Arizona State University
And the conspiracy?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Think about it. Both of these candidates are hated
by huge segments of the population. Whoever wins
will preside over a completely ineffective government.
every city is choked with protesters right now. The
National Guard has been mobilized, but also the police,
the Coast Guard, and we are recalling troops from Japan
Europe, and Iraq. WHY?

RedRover Arizona State University
Citation please.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
I can’t share my sources here. But you can use Google Earth

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
For what it’s worth, some of this is public record.

RedRover Arizona State University
How many troops are we talking about?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Estimated 250000. Leaving a skeleton crew in
foreign bases.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
basically what Trump said!!!

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
To reiterate, some of this troop movement
is public record. The justifications given don’t
add up. Experts disagree on the numbers,
but we do know tens of thousands at least
have been recalled. Which is strange, since
as far as I know, neither Mexico nor Canada
is in imminent danger of rolling across the
border.

RedRover Arizona State University
You too, man?

Daniella
So why are they here?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
The only thing that makes sense is as a
precaution against post-election disorder.
In my opinion.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
250000 troops is enough to take over
Canada. Maybe we should just do it.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
If I’m right, it won’t be post-, but during.

RedRover Arizona State University
In other words, right now.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Look out your window

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
I see… Mexicans!

RedRover Arizona State University
I see — lib art dorks playing Frisbee in the quad
Daniella cinderblock wall with graffiti on it

Squierplayer
Car. a homeless dude. A bus.

GOCARDS
SOME TROOPS ACTUALLY

Daniella

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
Where are you Gocards?

GOCARDS
IN MY TRUCK

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Did he make a funny?

GOCARDS
GOING SOUTH ON CENTRAL
AND ROOSEVELT. TROOPS HAVE
BLOCKED THE ROAD. ITS BACKED
UP FOR MILES.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
Anyone else downtown?

MediumMassage idk
I am. It’s kinda crazy right now.
They’ve got machine guns

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
Probably M16s NOT a machine gun!

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Sleepaholic was right?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
OF COURSE they’re going to have guns. What are
they supposed to use, strong language?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Anyone out in the suburbs?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
I am. Of Honolulu.

RedRover Arizona State University
WTF are you on this site for?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Cardinals fan.

Squierplayer
I’m near Chandler and the I10, why?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Can you go outside and look in the air?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Holy shit

Squierplayer
just a sec

RedRover Arizona State University
Got a bad feeling about this

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
You always say that, Frost. You always
say I gotta bad feeling about this drop.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Aliens reference.

Squierplayer
Well there are drones out here

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
Armed drones?

Squierplayer
I don’t think so
there’s a shitload of them
like hundreds.

RedRover Arizona State University
HOLY FUCK that’s creepy. I’m in ECON
I’m outta here.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
I think school’s going to be out for a while.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
TBH there are drones outside the gym too.
Here in North Phoenix.

Daniella
I see a few here in South Phoenix not many.
Not gonna lie. I’m a little concerned now.

Squierplayer
So am I. Traffic’s starting to get jammed here
too. And I hear sirens.

Daniella
I’m getting sirens too

Daniella
So…WTF?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
It’s like I’ve been saying for months. The NWO
guys are scared. They’re using the chaos of a
close, bitterly-contested election as cover to
stage a coup. Expect there to be some staged
violent protests, maybe even a false flag
explosion of some sort. That will give them the
excuse to call in the military.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
I assume you all are watching the news? The
Washington monument?

Daniella
OMFG.

GOCARDS
WATCH OUT THEY’RE ARRESTING PEOPLE
NOW.

Daniella
Why? The protesters?

GOCARDS
NOPE THEY’RE GOING INTO OFFICE BUILDINGS
AND COMINGOUT WITH FOLKS IN HANDCUFFS
GLAD IM PACKING

MediumMassage idk
Theyre coming in my building now. FML

Daniella
Idk what to say good luck MM

Daniella
can someone tell me WTF is going on?

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
obviously this was the plan all along. Otherwise
they couldn’t execute it this smoothly, all at once.
They’re going to round up dissidents and other
people who could cause trouble for them.

RedRover Arizona State University
Back. They’re locking down ASU, I
barely got out. Now what?

Daniella
How do they choose who to arrest?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Dems, probably

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
No, this is not a Republican operation. It’s not
the Democrats, either. Most likely it’s a coalition
of multi-nationals, financiers, and industrialists.
This political destabilization is both a threat and
an opportunity. And they’re acting on it.

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
TL;DR: YOURE CRAZY

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE LISTENING TO THIS SHIT
SMH

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
They’re saying it was an Islamic terrorist and
declaring a state of emergency.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
The Washington monument is GONE.

Sleepaholic Works at Glendale Sleep Institute
Here is my advice. If you think you’re on the list,
you need to get out of town. Don’t go to the bank
Don’t forward your mail, fill up your car and just
GO. If it’s not already too late.

RedRover Arizona State University
How do we know if we’re on a list?

Buddy Personal Trainer at Lifetime Fitness
THERE’S NO LIST IDIOT!

GOCARDS
I JUST SAW A DRONE CHASE A LADY DOWN THE STREET!

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Guess she was on the list.

Squierplayer
Uh… so this is really happening.

RedRover Arizona State University
Sleepaholic — can you give any advice
about this list? I would like to know.

Squierplayer
I’m ready to listen, too.

Daniella
You’re probably fine unless you
download porn.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
whew! guess we’re all good then.

RedRover Arizona State University
originalWB? what do you think about it?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
I don’t know, RR. I’m in a state of shock
right now. Assuming Sleepaholic’s reading
of events is correct, the junta would want
to eliminate possible elements of resistance.
The French Resistance against the Nazis
was comprised of far right elements, communists,
Jews, Armenians, and women.

Daniella
Uh oh

RedRover Arizona State University
I’m Jewish

ChoTime Something Funny Here
Does Buddy count as far right?

Squierplayer
Nothing about musicians, though?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
I’m not saying the junta is going to go after
those groups. Just thinking aloud at this point.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
It’s big data. Every site you visit, every
tweet you make, every facebook post
you like, they’re keeping track.

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
I agree. If you match a profile of one of
one of the suspect groups, you would
be on a list. It’s automated now.

RedRover Arizona State University
So let’s say I read aljazeera.com sometimes…

Daniella
now I wish I had a flip phone

Daniella
What happened to MediumMassage?

ChoTime Something Funny Here
His last post was a while ago.
Haven’t heard from Buddy either.

RedRover Arizona State University
I’ve got a full tank and I’m heading up the
Beeline. It’s on the reservation, maybe it’ll
be safe

Daniella
Good luck

RedRover Arizona State University
Thanks you too. What are you going to do?

Daniella
I’m not going anywhere. My moms and all

Squierplayer
Getting quiet around here. Any updates?

Daniella
Watching the news. They say stay home
don’t go out.

Squierplayer
Some army dudes just went into the
Verizon store and cuffed a sales guy.

Daniella
Fuck

Squierplayer
What is it?

Daniella
Shit shit shit someone’s at the door
Mom’s going crazy

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
Daniella, are you all right?

Squierplayer
What’s happening?

Squierplayer
Anyone?

TheOriginalWB Tempe Arizona
People, I’m going to be with my family now. Good luck
everyone.

ChoTime Something Funny Here
I can see some drones over Pearl Harbor.
I’m going dark.

GOCARDS
A TANK JUST RAN OVER SOME GUY’S CAR!

GOCARDS
I HEARD SOME SHOTS A FEW MINUTES AGO

GOCARDS
GI JOE’S COMING UP TO MY TRUCK NOW

GOCARDS
I GOT A SURPRISE FOR HIM


Author’s note: I wrote this a few months before the 2016 US Presidential Election, but didn’t manage to get it published. At the time, it was science fiction; now, it’s alternate history. A lot of the banter was inspired by my years participating in online comment sections: Shoutout to my boys at Igglesblitz!

Second note: formatting Medium stories to look like a message board is extremely labor intensive. But that’s why they pay me the big bucks.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store