There are three types of people on Tinder: people who want to meet right away without any chatting (and they usually put something in the lines of “I’m not looking to be your penpal” on their profiles), people who like to chat at least a little bit before they decide to meet somebody on Tinder, and people who just like to chat with no intentions on meeting (a catfish or no confidence).
Since I started my Tinder dating life a while ago, I have always been distant to the idea of meeting a person right away without talking to them a decent amount of time before I meet. However, seeing all these “no penpal” people who bash chatting online before meeting in person, I wanted to give it a shot. So I met somebody in person after talking to them briefly for two days.
Well, as you can imagine from the title of this article, it didn’t go very well.
The date was everything I was afraid it would be: the guy couldn’t put two words together even though he was a teacher (What!?), he avoided eye contact with me, and I had to keep the conversation going for over an hour by asking him questions because when I stopped, there was an awkward silence that I didn’t like at all.
There could be many reasons for this particular date being so bad. Maybe he didn’t like me, maybe he had anxiety issues, maybe it was his first Tinder date and he was nervous… Whatever it is, I’m not meeting a person from Tinder before I chat with them for a little while, and this is why.
- Time is Precious
Especially in a world where you at least work 40 hours a week (for me, it’s around 55), you don’t want to waste your precious time outside of work to meet people that you’re most likely not going to like. I believe in self-care and growing; so that 2 hours I wasted with this boring Tinder date, I could have taken care of myself in various ways, learned something or just spent time with my cat at home (Yes, the cat lady is here).
2. You Don’t Know This Person At All
Yes, I know it is almost impossible to know a person via online chatting. There are many horrifying online dating catfish stories out there. But, I believe if you talk online with a person for at least a week, you should be able to at least get a glimpse of their personality enough to decide if they are worth your time or not. Meeting a person before you chat with them is a risky thing. There is still a risk of having a horrible date, but I believe the risk is significantly decreased if you text/talk online for a little bit.
3. It is Impossible to Meet Every Person that You -Don’t- Talk to On Tinder
It could be just me, but I match with many people and I could talk to 5–6 people, maybe more, at the same time if I wanted to. Can you imagine meeting every one of them right after matching with them? It could be fun and give you many stories to write about on Medium, but I don’t think it would go any further than that.
So, what I’m trying to say is, take your time knowing a person on Tinder before you meet (but of course, don’t take weeks or months). See if you can hold a conversation online and if you actually enjoy that conversation before you meet them in real life. Because let’s be real… A Tinder date means getting ready, driving to the bar/venue, spending usually at least a couple of hours there, and coming back home which takes at least 3–4 hours in total. Do you really want to spend 3–4 hours of your life on a person you absolutely don’t know at all?
