I love Romania, but here are our baby’s Murphy Laws

These did not happen to us. I’m writing for a friend. *wink wink* I swear they are the cheekiest little wankers that feed off these type of moments. Below you’ll discover 15 of my baby Murphy’s Laws, but feel free to join in the fun with your experiences in a comment below.

• If you are going out or just changed clothes, he will spit on you even if the meal-n-burp-time went successfully a while back.
• If you change the stinky one, rest assured he will stinky up the next nappy because you just didn’t wait long enough. Even if you did wait long enough.
• At night you change and feed the nugget, then burp and hopefully you put him down only to hear the boom of a stinky nappy and you have to do all the change/feed/burp/fall asleep steps again.
• During bath time, or when changing a nappy, if you wait a nanosecond more pee will go all fountain like around you.
• When eating and you see that he stopped, that's when he’ll start again.
• When falling asleep angelically on your shoulder and you try to put him down the two flashlights come back on.
• While sleeping, he screams like a police siren for the milk maid to come feed him. Eats for 3 minutes and falls asleep only to wake up again in less than an hour.

• While sleeping, he will scream like something bad is happening only to wake him up with kisses and see the brightest smile of them all: “oh, it was only you mommy?!”.
• When you tell on him how naughty and fussy he’s being to a friend and relative only to come for a visit and see that he’s the epitome of the perfect baby, thus making you look like a drama queen.
• If you have a bunch of fresh onesies, he can wear and keep clean just one for days on end. But if you’re down to your last clean one, be sure that he’ll dirty it up in the the first 10 minutes.
• When he’s fallen asleep and you think the burp isn’t coming, that’s when it comes and you just have to keep at it in case there’s more.
• Friends don’t understand why sometimes it takes up to 40 minutes to feed — eats for 5 minutes, burps for 5 more, gets fussy right when you think you’re done. And if you’re going through a wonder week, when he eats every 60 minutes, this is hell because you don’t count since he ended, but when he started…40 minutes back.
• When you’re patient and soothe him to sleep, it takes 40 minutes. When you’re done being the indulgent parent and swaddle him up while putting the white machine on, he falls asleep in an instant.
• When out and about he’s going to be asleep instead of tiring himself up with new sights. But when you get home, he’s up all fresh after the little nap.
• If you go away and you express a lot of milk for somebody else to feed him, you’ll come back to a half eaten bottle. Yet, when you express a little, he’ll want more and more and more.

To be continued…[these are only the first two months].