I love Romania, but I stopped looking for the best day and became happy
The day you graduate is the best day of your life…so far. The day you get your driver’s license is the best day of your life…so far. The day you have sex with someone new, the day you get the dream job, dreamier promotion, the day you get married, the day you get pregnant are all DAYs of your life, beautiful ones…so far. This is the story of why I stopped looking for the best day and started being happy.
I live in a wonderful bubble where I love “firsts”. First kiss, first real love, first landing in a new country, first devouring a meal at a new place. All these firsts add up to a lot of beautiful days…so far. While nursing a coffee one day this past year — it’s the 27 years Club, something really shifts — I decided to stop looking for the best day and enjoy all the days and the little “firsts”.
Until now, I’ve let myself be consumed by the promise of one big and beautiful day that’s coming next. I put all expectations on that day. Go through endless hours of work motivated by that day. I tire myself up thinking about that day. And usually when THAT DAY comes, I am worn out, stressed and pass through it like it’s somehow foggy.
For what? So afterwords I could reminiscent? Isn’t it better to tone down projections? To try to live a little bit in the moment and, yes, get a great memory after, instead of fussing and fretting and getting itchy skin from anxiety?
Before I got married (3 months ago, I know, it’s still early to share wifey wise advice, but bear with mature-ish me for now), everybody kept asking me if I was nervous and looking forward to the best day of my life. So let me tell you a little story. I love my now husband. I’m a romantic at heart. But we were engaged for over a year.
We discussed the many ways in which we can celebrate this event. We went to many venues. We made a lot of lists and talked about a lot of themes, but we just couldn’t decide. So, we waited some more. Since we were in a waiting phase, we also said to try and maybe have a baby. Why? Because it was the main reason we wanted to get married in the first place. After 7 years of being together through thick and thin, you get an itch, an urge. For some this translates in a break up, for us it was building a family.
I’m telling you this because after many talks, the irony is that neither believe in marriage. I thought I wanted a big, white, dress, but when searching I just couldn’t find the right one. We didn’t want to be married in a church, because there are a lot of political things with this “mighty power” in Romania that we don’t approve, it just doesn’t fit us as a couple.
We have put our trust in our relationship, in the necessary work — romance, sexy trips and dirty talks vs. fights, tears and wanting to hit the other with the frying pan— and babies. But because of family, society, and wanting it all, we decided to say “I do”. And we did get the beautiful day and the two blissful lines on the first pregnancy test soon enough.
In the months that followed, I imaginary rolled my eyes at people building “the best day” expectations. I just couldn’t wait to get it over with, enjoy my husband, family and friends, but be fast on our honey(week)moon. This has got nothing to do with the fact that I was 4 months pregnant and couldn’t drink. OK, the drinking part might’ve been an issue.
What I loathed is that all these “big and best days” of our lives have in common the struggle. The struggle is what makes them special. Nothing meaningful comes without work, or so they say. But, for me, the happiness comes when they’re over. When the exams have passed, the party has ended with no unwanted events, the marriage is off to a good start, the baby was delivered and everybody is healthy. That’s when the sickening, anxious, moody, clouds are lifted and happiness starts.
So my answer to people asking me about the big I DO day was/is/will be “I can’t wait for it to be over and start being happy in love and in two…well almost three.”. The best day of my life…so far…hasn’t been when I got married and I bet it’s not going to be when I give birth. These are emotional days, some scary, some painful, kept dear and close to the heart.
The days that really made me happy are those simple ones when he proposed, cooked for me, or gave me simple gifts during a 7-year relationship…so far. Some other best days were when we had ice-cream on the beach late at night on our honeymoon and when he made up the baby’s future bed…so far.
The happy days are yet to come…what are some of the happiest days of your life…so far?