I haven’t felt an embodiment of motherhood until very recently

Photo Elena Rey

It is such a difficult topic to discuss and there is significant unspoken taboo and shame attached to it. Some women are suffering needlessly with the difficulties that they face resulting from the monumental change becoming a mother, silenced by the dissonance they feel.

My hope is to normalise, but not reduce the deep importance of these difficult feelings. We need to openly talk about and accept that we, as mothers, have different experiences and that sometimes a mother’s love isn’t always immediate.

Having spent what feels like a lifetime struggling with mental health issues; seeking out help from psychiatrists…


To me, one aspect of depression is like being in the middle of the most beautifully filled field of flowers, or standing faced with incredible beauty and all you can feel is your soul shattering into pieces...a sense that you’re drowning in pain that can’t be articulated let alone fully explained.

I have spent many moments gazing at the nights sky, overwhelmed by the beauty of the universe and longing to get closer to the stars; I needed to feel part of something, have some meaning injected into my soul but all that was left was a unrequited longing that ached so badly and unravelled me to my core.

On one of these nights I wrote a poem, gazing upon the moon feeling stung by its beauty and almost moved to tears.

I’ve been watching the stormy sky today and have found such comfort in knowing that its raging as much as I am inside. I love to watch it change, as it does so rapidly, painting a celestial story of the turmoil so many of us are in. I love to stand outside when the wind is relentless and feel the force that is so much greater than my own, almost letting me know what my relevance is...we can get so carried away with grandiose thinking, believing we have ultimate control when in fact just a microscopic virus can throw the…


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