Kick the Bull in the Balls

A worldwide sold energy drink, made by someone whose name is transcribed as Mateshits? Are you kidding me?!

It’s really hot in here. You feel a tiny drop of sticky sweat rolling down the back of your neck. And it’s gonna get hotter with all the substances steadily emerging from the fellow party goers pockets. Don’t look suspicious now; this article is not about that pill. It’s more about what you are going to swallow it with. Or mix it with on a later stage. You know, when it’s already been five hours and there is a long way until the after party and then even longer- until the end. Somewhere in between these uncountable hours, you will probably go for an energy drink. Now what goes through your mind? That Red Bull can’t be so bad if all these extreme sport athletes and adrenaline junkies are using it… right? Hopefully it will give you wings for that bad ass bass line. And it’s everywhere. Every-f***in-where.

The idea of energy drink in a slim sexy package travels back to Thailand in the 70’s, where truck drivers would use the Krating Daeng, local energy drink, to survive through the long shifts. Somewhere on that road, Dietrich Mateschitz, an Austrian entrepreneur, saw big potential for the hearth traumatizing drink and brought it to Europe with slightly deviated formula for the fine European taste. Somehow the new Red Bull escaped the notion of blue-collar workers drink and was introduced in ski resorts as trendy upscale one. To the point where Mr Mateschitz, a multi billionaire now, could sip on his smoked 15 years old whiskey in his private cabin in the Alps while the consumers of his invention are enjoying the benefit of the truck driver’s upper. What an idol. And while you are poisoning your body with caffeine, taurine, glucose and aspartame in a drink with the terrible sugary smell of a used chewing gum, there is another solution to the long after hours.

Meanwhile in Southern Germany…

A town that nobody knows and nobody cares about. At a small local beer brewery, is produced the drink, some of the confused tourists call Club Mate (Meit), as this is their buddy throughout the night. Club Mate is an old dog in Germany’s club scene. It’s a beverage made from Mate- an old South American jungle plant, and it contains far less sugar than any other energy drink. No taurine and aspartame either. And the best thing about it is that it wouldn’t strain your heart. Why is Club Mate good? Well, have you seen an advertisement of it anywhere? Yet, it’s still distributed in more than 30 countries. I don’t say that Club Mate will give you all the vitamins your body needs but at least you won’t put your heart in a mini loophole while you are on a party and the sun is shining through your a**.

Now think about the Red Bull advertisement strategies. The multi million worldwide sport campaigns supporting the drink and elevating it to the status of the cool sportists drink. I am sure the Thai drivers will be in heaven to hear they’ve inspired so many Go Pro skydiving, motor racings and free falls. To secure it’s platinum status as the only energy drink though, Red Bull makes sure they don’t give any other similar drink the chance to get to the events, clubs and bars they are sponsoring. Because it’s not easy being the owner of such a shifty business as night life, to turn back a lucrative deal, as 100 free drinks or a big “Thank you” in the form of $5,000. But try to remember this is the same large corporation that eventually poisons every moron who decided to drink his vodka with an energy drink. And now that the power of The Corporate Evil is getting bigger and stronger than ever, the only thing we can do is show them our middle finger. One little step at a time. Don’t be ignorant and think of your heart. Or at least if you decide to stick with Red Bull and you somehow like the taste of it, show some integrity and become a truck driver. Then take all the Red Bull you like. But please, don’t bring it to your party. Take your mate instead. Or Club Mate. Not that it will change the world, but at least it will show that you care.