It’s Time to Re-Examine “Traditional” Masculinity
What does it mean to “be a man” in 2017? What’s the best way for men to address women and each other?
Actor Justin Baldoni tackles those issues head on in a raw, powerful, and important new web series called “Man Enough.” It couldn’t be more timely.
Most of us never gave much thought to the issue before the recent avalanche of sexual misconduct allegations. After seeing so many powerful men we once idolized go down, many of us are now re-thinking our own behavior. Did we do something wrong in the past? Is there a better way we can behave?
For men, this isn’t easy. For years, most of us have ignored deep, emotional conversation with our bro’s and instead talked about sports. Even now with women coming forward every day, many of us are afraid to honestly engage. Some guys are worried that if they say something wrong, they’ll lose their jobs. As a result, many are ignoring the issue all together.
Justin Baldoni wanted to start this discussion way before it became trendy.
For the past three years, the “Jane the Virgin” star worked on starting this show via his own Wayfarer Entertainment production company. The shaving company Harry’s provided financial support to make it happen.
While filming earlier this year, no one would have guessed this would turn out to be “topic A” in the national dialogue.
I didn’t see it.
When Justin told me about the concept a year ago, I thought it sounded interesting. But, I was skeptical there would be a large audience of men ready to talk about this.
I was wrong. The timing couldn’t be more perfect.
The first two episodes, now posted online, feature a diverse group of men having dinner inside Justin’s actual backyard.
They discuss “traditional” elements of masculinity that are often forced upon young men. Justin’s business partner, Farhoud, said, “These unwritten rules can cause boys to suppress their emotions and treat women like objects.”
The dinner group at Justin’s House describe how their unique backgrounds contribute to their own views about “traditional” masculinity:
Bassef Youseff — Once described as “the Jon Stewart of the Arab World,” Youseff hosted a brilliant, controversial news satire show in Egypt. He discusses how men in a mostly Muslim culture often see their masculinity through control of their wives.
Derek Hough — The winningest dancer on “Dancing with the Stars” talks about how he was often made fun of as a kid for dancing. Peers called him a “fag” since he moved so well in the ballroom. But in Hough’s view, he never feels more masculine than while dancing.
Javier Munoz — The openly gay, HIV positive “Hamilton” star says he knew about his sexual orientation from the time he was a toddler. In kindergarten, he even had his first “boyfriend.” But the teacher separated them…and the impression even back then…was being gay was not OK.
Prince Ea — The African American rapper and spoken word artist reflects on the “showy’ masculinity in the world of hip hop. The more cars, houses, women, guns you have…the more alpha you are.
Matt McGorry — The star of “How to Get Away with Murder” and “Orange is the New Black” talks about his evolution as a white, male millennial. In recent years, he’s become much more active in feminist politics. Its made him aware that things he once did, may have been seen as offensive…and he had no idea at the time.
Justin also speaks to a gender studies professor about the social science. Dr. Michael Kimmel explains that kids aren’t born with pre-conceived notions about masculinity but around 2nd grade, things start to change. That’s when young boys begin to segregate and mock other boys who aren’t “masculine enough.”
Kimmel described how it’s often seen as OK for some young girls to come play with a group of girls…but not the other way around.
Perhaps the most interesting conversation of all in the show is between Justin and his father, Sam. They talk at driving range of a golf course.
They reflect on Justin’s grandfather, a “strong, silent provider-type.” They then discuss Sam’s more emotive style of parenting, which includes more public displays of affection.
Justin tells his dad that as a kid, he sometimes resented that his father wasn’t a more typical “John Wayne” type of man. At 33 years old, *this* is Justin’s first real discussion with his father about masculinity. Justin jokes that he created this whole show so it would force him to have it.
It made me realize, I’ve never had a similar conversation with my dad. We’ve spent so many hours at driving ranges talking about 3 woods and 5 irons, but rarely about deep, emotional stuff.
The release of this show comes shortly after Justin’s recent TED Talk to a women’s conference.
The presentation, which has amassed more than 1 million views, is a call to action for guys.
In doing so, Justin admits his own vulnerability and insecurities.
From the outside, Justin looks like he has a picture perfect life. He’s one of PEOPLE’s sexiest men alive and has the body of a fitness model. His wife is drop dead gorgeous and they have two adorable kids.
His Instagram feed is fill with family pictures that could each be a stock photo to sell picture frames.
In the TED talk, Justin describes how he’s often playing a role to create that impression in his fan’s minds.
The reality is often darker and hard to talk about.
Justin was so uncomfortable having the conversation at his house, he took his closest buddies on a three day trip to Mexico to have it there. Only at the tail end of the third day in another country, was he finally able to open up to them.
Justin hopes telling his story now will make other men feel more comfortable to come forward and express their own vulnerabilities as well.
On that TED stage, he admitted one of his major challenges…the demographics of his fans. Almost all of them are women. Think about it: he’s a handsome dude starring on a female driven show with a mostly female audience.
For Justin’s message to break through and make a real difference, though, men will need to see this show and join the conversation.
I’m glad I did.
I encourage other guys to take the time to watch and share the message with their buddies.
It’s time.
The #MeToo movement shows that for too long, too many men acted inappropriately behind closed doors. Both women and men felt uncomfortable discussing what was going on, leading to years of suppression and pain.
For this movement to have a lasting impact, both women *and* men have to be willing to open up.
If that happens, then we will all finally be “man enough.”
