My 30 Year Dance With The Demon Drink

There won’t be a lot of pictures in this blog, which is out of character for me. But if I had to include pictures — personal ones regarding this topic — I certainly could fill the pages with pictures of me and myriad varieties of drink from the past several decades.

I actually began this, at least one article of it, in April of 2015. Surprise! I fell off the wagon, so to speak, after that. Not immediately after that. As a matter of fact I think it took 6–8 months before I found myself again dancing with the devil.

But hey, after reading and researching so many different stories regarding the use and abuse of alcohol, I can say with certainty that I am not alone in the fact that I didn’t “kick the habit” the first time I gave it a go.

It is a journey that I continue with a renewed sense of purpose, and with what I believe to be more sufficient reasons to hold me to my commitments to discontinue my use of alcohol.

Photo: Warner Bros.

Reviewing my first blog post — which I will re-post shortly as my introductory story — was enlightening. I noticed that during my decades of use of the drug, I had a difficult time relating to other people who used it, and the various effects it had on them. Now however, I believe this path has taught me that at some point along the journey, if we linger long enough, we come to understand most of our mates who also use it. There are so many complexities that come into play in this great alcoholic opera house, and boy is it one helluva show.

We have all kinds of labels slapped on us for the different types and levels of use, and even though I slightly resist painting a human user into a box and calling that box “black and white” instead of grey with very fuzzy lines, if I had to choose a label, I’d probably fall into the exceptionally high-functioning category. That doesn’t make me special. Far from it. And what I’ve come to learn is that it is actually quite dangerous.

While I’m a professional woman with many specialties, substance abuse is not within my academic scope. Yet I would say, that when it comes to the utilization of alcohol, I did become expert. And that’s not something I’m proud to brag about.

During the past several years I searched long and hard for people to relate to and any information regarding alcohol use and abuse. It was actually quite difficult to find anyone, until more recently. It was almost like it was a secret among women, and I had to dig through attics and cobwebs to get at a truth that seems to be a growing phenomena.

That’s one reason for beginning this blog — to offer a hand, and ear, and companionship, to anyone wishing to take a journey along with someone to sobriety, or just to discuss the challenges and know that you aren’t alone, if you are one of the singers in this opera house.

Secondly, it is a way, I hope, that I can remind myself of the journey I am undertaking, the reasons for it, and to help create a support network in order to help me along.

I expect there to be self-exploration and introspection, discovery, discussion about challenges, the alcohol industry, health, support systems, etc. If you are someone who admits to being far from perfect and of unwillingly dancing with a devil you despise — but at times very much love — then I’d be so happy for you to join me in this “conversation” about alcohol, how to become sober, and sustaining a healthy lifestyle.

Many thanks to my best friend, who is quiet sober, for suggesting this endeavor, and for very much being present and non-judgmental during my entire excursion down this dark hallway.