Eli Burnstein – Medium

Eli Burnstein

Published in

Slackjaw

13 Degrees More Advanced Than A Ph.D.

From Overlord of Fine Arts to Big Daddy of Engineering.

Nov 13, 2024

13 Degrees More Advanced Than A Ph.D.

Nov 13, 2024

Published in

Slackjaw

Welcome To Hollywood!

Glitzville. Tinseltown. The City of Lights and Also Cameras and Also Action.

Oct 2, 2024

Welcome To Hollywood!

Oct 2, 2024

Published in

Slackjaw

We Both Know This Coffee Shop Has A Bathroom

And you’re going to let me use it.

Sep 19, 2024

We Both Know This Coffee Shop Has A Bathroom

Sep 19, 2024

Published in

Slackjaw

Medieval Jerry

Nice court. Mind if I jest in it?

Sep 12, 2024

Medieval Jerry

Sep 12, 2024

Published in

Slackjaw

Fashion Tips From My Parents

Herringbone is in!

Sep 5, 2024

Fashion Tips From My Parents

Sep 5, 2024

Published in

Slackjaw

I’m A Few Hours Ahead Of You

Good afternoon, colleague! Or is it still the morning over there? I keep forgetting.

Jun 21, 2024

I’m A Few Hours Ahead Of You

Jun 21, 2024

Published in

Slackjaw

Why Didn’t You Wear Tortoiseshell Glasses To My Tortoiseshell-Glasses-Only Party?

Yet here you are sans tortoiseshell, with frames of what I can only assume are a crude titanium alloy.

Jan 24, 2024

Why Didn’t You Wear Tortoiseshell Glasses To My Tortoiseshell-Glasses-Only Party?

Jan 24, 2024

Published in

Slackjaw

It’s Not (Not) Opposite Day

Some people find the rules of Opposite Day confusing, but it’s really quite complicated.

Jan 10, 2024

It’s Not (Not) Opposite Day

Jan 10, 2024

Published in

Slackjaw

Committee Meeting Of The Oxford English Dictionary

First up, we have the motion to merge all parts of speech other than nouns, verbs, and adjectives into a category called “little bits.”

Dec 26, 2023

Committee Meeting Of The Oxford English Dictionary

Dec 26, 2023

Published in

Slackjaw

It’s a Flat White, You Moron

Is there a lumpen head of foam at the top? No. Are there any large bubbles fucking up this masterpiece? Negative.

Oct 7, 2023

It’s a Flat White, You Moron

Oct 7, 2023

Eli Burnstein

Eli Burnstein

Glasses type. Humor writer. Book Dictionary of Fine Distinctions now available. More at www.eliburnstein.com

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