The irony in quoting Nietzsche — who was just about the total opposite of a feminist — to support a…
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While I appeciate the sentiment and I think most men are nice, there are some that aren’t. And those men manipulare normal men to make things really hard for women. I can give you examples, but a common one is an harasser who disguises himself as a “guy in love”. He won’t take no for an answer, he won’t accept that you don’t want a relationship or sex with someone from work.

But all the inapropiate and sexual comment would be said in private or in a way that could be reframed as “just a joke” bu someone who doesn’t know the whole context or what he said in private. And yes, he would use you telling you a much nicer version were he is trying so hard to win you over with presents and he is just “so lost” and “didn’t know how to woo women”. So being nice, the men would go to the women and tell her things like the ones in the article:

“So, that guy has a thing for you” said one of them.

“You know, he really wants to get married. He said so himself many times.”

“What he wants is someone smart and sexy. You’re smart and sexy!”

And give him information about us or even help him to “casually” meet alone where he can show his real face and tell things like you are a “whore” or even threaten you with getting you fired if you aren’t “more nice” to him. Or suggest that all should go drinking, so he is not the one to offer drinks, but another man or several would be. And once the women are drunk, he would be the sobber one to take them home because he is “such a nice guy”. No one would think she is not safe and if he takes advantage, no one would believe it. They have two faces.

Harassers know what are they doing and take advantage of the good people, because is natural to think that others are like us, so good people can’t imagine that the harasser is doing that. Not only that, when the women protect themselves, the harasser would play the victim card, which in tech meant pretend that he is the poor guy who always is rejected by mean women who “over react” to perfectly inocent comments and take advantage of the fact that many men have been in that position. They don’t want to believe his friend is bad or an harasser. Also it would be costly for them, they would lose a “friend” and the things that “friend” got them. So they chose the easy route, believe the women are at fault.

Are they evil? no, they are played by a really good manipulator with no moral. But the results are the same as if they were helping them knowingly. And women deal with results, not intentions.

So while I agree that making friends and alies is good, it’s quite normal that sometimes women are more cautious doing that than men. And sometimes you are not given a choice between making friends and fighting.

So you want to make things better? Pay attention to that guy in the office who is such good friend to all men, but that all women seem to avoid. Or that men who insist on going driking and makes sure that the women drink more than they can handle os even insist that women should drink something alcoholic when they ask for something that has no alcohol. Devil is in the details and all that.

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