Why am I on a month-long walk in Spain?
Why did I come to Camino de Santiago? A classic conversation starter on the road and a question that’s slipping in my DMs now and then. Here's my 600-word answer.
I’m not where I thought I should be at 26 (coming close to 27). Not that I had it clearly defined, which maybe is the first problem, but I definitely wanted to be richer with money, accomplishments, and experiences. My life is amazing nevertheless and I am grateful for the relationships, health, and overall environment that surround me. I just want to take time to reflect on the choices I’ve made so far and how I’d like to make decisions going forward. Or if I need to change anything at all. At home, I often get confused about which thoughts or wants are mine which are ones of my peers or the larger society. I had to get away and reconnect with my inner voice. This month, I strive to be 100% true first and foremost to myself and as much as possible to others. To manifest that from the outside too, I didn’t bring any makeup to hide beneath. It’s a no makeup and no bullshit month for me. Not even the brow pomade.
To continue, I sense that I’m not fulfilling all my potential, and something, fear most likely, is holding me back. But my ego is starving. A while ago at work, we had this gruesome team-building exercise where one by one we’d have to sit in a red chair in the middle of the room and share a professional or personal accomplishment. Everyone else would then call out what characteristics they saw in that story, like persistence, bravery, leadership, etc. Usually, I love team-building exercises. I don’t think I’ve ever been a part of one that I didn’t like, but this time… I was dreading my turn and, barely touching pencil to paper, scribbled things I could share while others went up the spotlight. Nothing that came to my mind was good enough. It was either something that everyone was doing, something that happened too long ago, or something that in all honesty didn’t take that much courage, persistency, or any of those words that I’d like to be described as. It was the 2nd last push I needed. I wanted to have a new story to tell. I want to prove to myself that I am able to accomplish something, that I’m brave and strong and capable, and all those things. Cliche, but I had to push myself out of my comfort zone, widen my horizons. And also, patience is something I hoped the road would teach me.
The last last push that made me buy the flight was joining a one-day hike organized by a dear friend where I met someone who’s done this recently. Being in nature all day, hearing her stories, and getting assurance that one doesn’t have to be a sportsman to walk for 30 days was a blessing and an inspiration.
But even with all that urge building up and the encouragement from some, it wasn’t an easy decision. I still feared some judgment from people close to me as well as doubted my physical readiness. Now, I’m on the Camino for a few days already and I can still say that making that decision has been the hardest part of the whole journey. Dealing with some nasty blisters, swollen feet, or public showers day after day is a piece of cake in comparison.
But above all, I am ready to keep an open mind and heart to take in what the universe has in store for me here. And hey, if all else failed and I went home as clueless as I was (which I can already say is not the case), it will still be an adventure to remember.
If you're not familiar with Camino de Santiago, here's a link to a Wikipedia page for you.
