Men & Fear of Intimacy, Women & Fear of Desire
Emma Lindsay
21220

I’m so sorry you were sexually assaulted. I’m a fellow survivor. There are far too many of us (not in the sense that we shouldn’t have survived, but in the sense that we shouldn’t have had to endure trauma in the first place). Thanks for speaking out — it’s difficult but necessary, at least for some of us.

I think a lot of your insights are interesting, but I disagree that men rape because they’re lonely. Many are in relationships, have lots of friends, are well respected by their peers, etc. Men don’t rape because they want sex. They rape because it makes them feel powerful. And while it’s certainly possible for powerful (and/or power-hungry) men to be lonely, the loneliness itself isn’t why they rape, and I think the assertion that it is takes away from your many other good points about intimacy and masculinity.

(You would not believe how long it took me to make that stupid Venn diagram. It’s frankly embarrassing.)