30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 14

“panda eating plant” by Debbie Molle on Unsplash

I wear mascara as a mask, which is ironic as it totally unmasked me today.

I got home earlier and felt like writing.

I was glad my housemate wasn’t in because the topic I was writing about (which I haven’t decided whether to post or not) generated a great deal of emotion and I was glad I could sit and sob out loud whislt I typed without anyone else there.

I’d been giving a brief talk on mindfulness to staff at a local government organisation and sharing some techniques to introduce into their day to day lives.

The organisation is one I am familiar with from my childhood, they re-home kids aged 16–18 and place them in the care of another family for various reasons.

When it came to me deciding to volunteer, I thought of them straight away.

So I’m sat there thinking about all this stuff from the past, tears flowing down my face…and my housemate walks in.

Shit!

I don’t like situations that make me feel vulnerable and being asked if I am ok makes me feel uncomfortable.

My reply will always be… “I’m ok.”

I wiped my eyes and shouted a cheary hello from the dining room table, thinking I could totally get away with looking like I hadn’t been crying.

He entered the room….

I’ve got a smile on my face… he’ll never know.

“Are you ok Lizzie?”

I look at him with a puzzled expression as if to say, why wouldn’t I be?

“I’m ok.” I replied.

“You don’t look ok.”

He was looking at me in a quizzical manner and one that got my attention.

I turned around to face the mirror…

There was no point trying to deny it.

I looked like a panda that has just had a fight with a mascara brush. My entire face was covered in a watery black substance.

I busrt out laughing.

It transformed something that at first felt uncomfortable into uncontrollable laughter.

Moral of the story….

No matter how hard you try, you can’t always hide how you’re feeling.