Speak up for yourself woman!
I’ve been trying something new recently. After spending a lifetime believing it’s not ok to say no or offend people or say how I really feel I experimented on two occasions this week.
I’m waitressing at the minute, something meant to be a little part time earner but due to my competence (Just so you get my tone…I’m laughing as I write the truth here) and lack of wanting to let people down, it has quickly turned into a full-time job.
It was Monday evening and the rota for the following week had not been sent out so I made plans with my sister for the following day, she’s moving house and has two children under 3…you can imagine.
During the drive from my sisters back home I received a text from my boss, “Hi Lizzie, can you work tomorrow 10.30–4?”
A normal reaction for me took place, my gut tightened up… this was a situation that was going to cause me to let someone down and I don’t like doing it.
I knew this was one of those times where I needed to speak up and I had to get past the fear of not pleasing someone and I knew who it should be.
“Sorry Kev, I’ve just made plans for tomorrow.” I replied.
Ahhh, it felt so good to do that. To say what I actually wanted to say.
A few minutes later I received a reply…
“No worries at all, enjoy your day. Rota out tomorrow.”
And that felt good too, I felt so grateful that he helped cement the view that it is ok to say no.
Whilst in Thailand I made friends with a guy who ran a hostel in Chaing Mai, he was cool. I told him I would go back to help him run the hostel and kinda got myself into some kind of relationship type thing because I sometimes, ok usually, get carried away by emotion). Well, I don’t know if I actually said “I’m going to come back be in a relationship and run the hostel with you” but I didn’t say I wasn’t going to either.
Anyway, after returning home, it became obvious, what I aways knew would become obvious, I didn’t want to go back to live in Thailand, I didn’t want to run a hostel and I didn’t want to be in a relationship, that being no reflection on him.
Awkward, because I know it’s a cowardice thing to not tell someone how you truly feel but it’s a real life fear and it’s fucked up I know but it makes me feel like I really can’t say “this is not what I want.” I feel so tense and nervous during conversations like this.
Instead of telling him straight out a week or two went by where we had very little contact but I knew I had to let him know my decision and sooner rather than later, he thought I would be returning in a few months time.
But it was ok. It went well.
Ok, so it was by text but still.
He was really nice about it.
The ground didn’t swallow me and I wasn’t struck by lightning.
Just relief I had been honest and said how I felt.
I’m gunna do this more often.