Kia Sedona

As a bicyclist, I feel entitled. I feel entitled to bend the law. I need other cars to give me an entire lane when passing, but I am also allowed to filter and split between cars when I see fit.

I understand that my mere presence on the road often incites rage. I prefer to think of it as jealousy. Yes, it must have been a wave of envy that persuaded the driver of a silver Kia Sedona to jump the median curb in their efforts to race me to a red light this morning. Thirty seconds later, I passed them and carefully sailed through the intersection. Feeling benevolent, I wondered whether they damaged their wheel or suspension during that maneuver.

I have no tolerance for automobiles that break the rules. I understand this is a double standard. I feel entitled to this double standard. My vehicle is smaller, smarter, better for me, better for traffic, and better for the world. Therefore I get to choose which laws apply to me.

Once in St. Louis, some girl playing Pokemon Go took a last minute no-signal high-speed left turn against a red light. I was walking my bicycle across the cross-walk, cooling down after a delivery downtown. She missed me by a foot. Little glands on my kidneys spurted a ton of adrenaline into my bloodstream. I heaved my bicycle at my attacker. It bounced off her rear bumper. Hopefully, I did some expensive damage to her paint, or at least drew her attention away from her phone for a split second.