The Dark is not ‘the safe place’.

We all have a dark side. I’ll be the first to admit it…If you have followed my Instagram for a while, you’ll know that I was repeatedly sexually abused as a child by my father. My mother is still with him to this day…That type of abuse, collusion and rejection (of my safety, needs and emotional health), created a belief inside me that I was worthless. I treated myself accordingly!

I used to cut myself so severely that I needed to go to hospital and get stitched up. I’m badly scarred to this day as a result of this self-massacre. But, now I use my scars to explain to people why they will never achieve anything by hurting themselves. No longer ashamed of my inability to cope at that time…more proud that I made it through.

I made two suicide attempts – I didn’t want to feel anymore – I believed no one cared or loved me. I believed my world was unsafe and full of pain. I believed I wasn’t worth fighting for. So I stopped fighting for me. I hated me – my world was a very dark place.

I know now, that my experiences in childhood, my mother’s choice to stay with my father, my beliefs about myself (because of my parents) and the subsequent bullying that followed when people knew what had happened to me, created my reality. I was letting it continue to shape my reality.

I realised that to live in the light you have to step out of the dark. You have to learn to re-examine your belief systems, emotions and behaviours. You have to learn to protect your boundaries, your time, your heart. You have to give yourself a chance to heal.

I am open about my experiences, so that you know, there are others out there who understand your pain. If you’ve been sexually abused in childhood, you can know there are people like you, who have made it through. You are NOT alone

Are you willing to give yourself a chance?

Much love 💗

Written by Ella McCrystal – Psychotherapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Mindset Coach

https://ellamccrystal.com/