Smelly Russian man

Ella Harris
Jul 30, 2017 · 2 min read

As I was downstairs pouring my heart into blog piece number 1, I just happened to meet my new husband.

I was sitting outside on the grass and this man was punching some serious durries on a bench 10m behind me. He did the loudest fart and I couldn’t help but turn and look.

I’m too poor to buy cigarettes at this point, so I thought I’d befriend this smelly man and try my luck.

It turns out that he is Russian and can’t speak a word of English. Not to worry, we both got out our phones and communicated via google translate. An hour later we’re about two questions away from saying ‘I Love You’.

Star crossed lovers.

At the beginning, i gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he was just a nice guy who spoke little English. So i put it down to the fact that there was a strong language barrier. But no. This little hot and steamy google translate session under the moonlight got pretty weird, pretty quickly.

It started off with ‘Are you married?’ and ended with ‘Want to eat pizza in my room?’ I insisted that I was tired and he replied saying ‘I won’t touch you, I will just treat you well.’

So now I’m eating some delicious margarita upstairs with my Russian friend.

Nah I’m not, but I’m pretty sure he’s whatsapping me now asking for nudes. Waiting for my cute Iraqi dorm mate to get home so he can go and bash him #wolfpack #room801.

That pizza has strings attached
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