When Your Article’s Headline is Filtered Here’s What It Really Says

• Why am I not getting the readership I so richly deserve?
• Here are my stats — aren’t they impressive?
• Thing I thought this morning, that I will portray as deep life lesson, because, clicks.
• This thing I wrote was popular, so I must be a good writer.
• I’m a writer, please pay attention.
• Blah, blah, blah, writer.
• 8 reasons listicles suck
• I understand politics and you don’t
• Everything you know about everything is pretty much wrong because of this one thing.
• Blah, blah, blah mindfulness.
• The thing I think is insightful about Donald Trump
• Banal thing I have to say about Hillary Clinton that I’ll make sound controversial
• Of course, if I ran NBC my Olympics coverage would be flawless
• Please pat me on the head for being able to type a five-hundred word salad into a white box.
• Nonsensical life tip I don’t actually follow.
• First Draft.
• I’m really hoping my pretty-face avi will get me clicks on this otherwise mediocre piece.
• I can speak on authority about anything, because I’m a white guy who bro’d his way through college.
• I don’t have anything to say, I just really like aping the phrase “dumpster fire.”