So, you wanted to know what’s on my mind …

So, you want to know what’s on my mind …
The short and simple answer is, you.

There are moments when I feel like I’m living my life in this limbo world. Everything is kind of in flux, and there’s just no permanence … other than the feelings I have for you. I’ve told you before, but once I fell in love with you, I’ve found that I can’t un-love you. Not that I want to, but even if I tried, I couldn’t do it. The feelings and love will always be there.

It’s always the same for me…
I miss holding you,
looking into your eyes,
softly kissing your lips,
pulling you closer,
smelling your hair as I kiss your neck,
taking your exhale as I inhale,
the closeness,
the rawness.

I catch myself daydreaming about us being together,
and thinking about what that would actually be like.

I catch myself wishing for a future with you,
and then fall into sadness when reality hits.

I think about you moving to Colorado.

I wonder if you’ll ever want more with me,
or if this is all you’ll ever want or need.

Some days, my heart is full, and things are good.
Other days, I feel drained, empty, and hurt.

One thing I know for sure is that I have never wanted to be with anyone as much as I want to be with you.

I love laughing together.
I love holding hands with you.
I love sharing pepperoni pizza and Corona with you.
I love listening to your voice.
I love it when you smile at me … you get me every time with that.

I miss you.
I really do need you.
I always want you.
I will fucking love you until my very last breath.