Ladies, I Beg You to Please Use Toilet Seat Covers

Potty-talk from one female to another

There’s a Family Guy episode where Peter and the gang are hanging out at the local bowling alley, when Lois announces she needs to go tinkle. Upon entering the stall, she reaches for a toilet seat cover, only to discover that the dispenser is empty. She sighs in disappointment.

Like most women, born of a certain era, Lois proceeds to construct one the old-fashioned way — with dozens of sheets of toilet paper, double layered, and overlapping — in an attempt to create a safe, sanitary haven in a public restroom.

It’s a fairly quiet scene, where the viewer witnesses Lois painstakingly lay down row, upon row, of toilet paper, which she then adjusts and readjusts. However, there is an occasional perplexing sound, which causes Lois to pause and look around, but she labors on with her toilet paper project.

After 20 seconds of this, Quagmire finally yells, “Would you just sit down and go to the bathroom already!” from the vantage point of the bathroom ceiling, where he’s wedged himself Spiderman-style.

Quagmire, like most men, have no idea why it takes women so long to use the restroom. It’s not because we’re all taking a dump, it’s because we spend time gussying the place up. If we’re going to be…