How To Forgive That One Person From Your Past
No one should have to go through the rest of their lives feeling hurt and disappointed by someone they may never see or speak with again. In fact, no one needs to. But how do we get over pain that seems to seep ever more over the course of time? How do we dig it out for good for it never to return again?
I’ve had my fair share of hurt and disappointment, as the rest of you have. I’m no different, more unique or special than any of you, nor are you anymore different from anyone else because of your varying experiences. Pain is pain and we all feel it.
This Person Did This to Me, and They Have to Pay! Or, Do They…?
This person broke your heart. They used hurtful language. They lied pathologically and smiled while doing so. It ended with a drop of a hat and the show was over before you knew it; no closure, no finding out what could have or would have happened had you been able to go a little while longer. But, my darling, that is the end.
It’s not up to us for them to have to pay for what they did. We are not their commanding officer, we are not their judge. The one responsible for them and their actions, holding them accountable, is themselves. That is not our job, that is theirs. And thank you, heaven, for that!
Do you want to be someone else’s judge? Do you want to be the one to punish them? To make sure they get their “just reward”? I don’t know about you but I don’t have enough time in my day to dedicate to someone else’s damnation when I have my own life to live.
The thing is, everyone comes into our lives for a reason, a purpose, whether we know it or not. Whether we like it or not. Everything is intended for our own growth and progression. Every single experience. Can you tell me, looking back on this pain and disappointment, you can’t find one thing you learned from it to make you a better person? Some might take a pessimistic point of view and say, “It taught me I can’t trust them/anybody. I can only trust myself.” Okay, that’s a start. Now, take it one step further. Did it teach you not to trust anybody? Or did it teach you how to trust better? How about, to exercise wisdom in the trusting of others? Now, that’s not to say it has taught you to hold anything back when it comes to having faith in someone, but it says that you learned more about yourself. What pain and hurt is there still to hold onto when we’ve learned about ourselves from that experience?
I can tell you right now that the person, who hurt you, is human. Thus, they feel hurt and pain, too. They have had the unfortunate experience of hurting you while learning about themselves as well. You were both learning. You were both experiencing and getting to know yourselves with each other. What a powerful thing to get to know yourself better! People live their entire lives never getting to know themselves and here you got to experience what it’s like to be a certain part of yourself with this person, thus giving you the ability to know better and do better next time. How powerful!
There’s no point to holding onto the pain and hurt from the past because that person, who hurt you, has enough regret about it themselves and either a) doesn’t know how to make it go away, b) wants to make it right with you or c) doesn’t care enough to have regret about it in the first place. Either way, with either of these three scenarios, holding onto the pain doesn’t fit into the equation without lousing up your own or each other’s happiness.
Okay, that’s great insight, Now what?
Remember this most important fact: We all experience needs, wants, desires, passion, loss, grief, and pain. None of us are exempt, even the person that hurt us. We give and accept love to the degree we feel we are worthy to receive it. Have compassion for the person who hurt you because they didn’t know how to do it any different in that moment. That is the other thing about this human experience: We are all learning on the job, getting real life experience, absorbing all we can at once from this lesson so that we can move on to the next. It’s fast paced, this life. We do the best we can with the tools we learn in our lives, to pick up the ball and keep on running. Falling, and even tripping the person next to us, is inevitable. Get up, brush it off, laugh at what an epic face plant that was, and keep on going.
The experience of life is too short and too delicate to hold onto the pain of the past. When we do that, then we miss the opportunities coming up before us.
Here is what you can do about the person who hurt you. Acknowledge they did the best they knew how in that moment, in that experience they had with you, as you did. Next, accept it and move on while taking the lesson you learned with you.
It’s always “easier said than done” to let go of pain, but it also always worth it. Don’t put a stopper on yourself that keeps you from being able to continue living life with everything in you. This life is intended to be experienced, enjoyed, and learned from. We are evolutionary beings and are designed to learn and grow. Every single person, every single moment of history, can attest to that in one way or another. We learn from history to better shape our today for our tomorrow.
Learn from your history. Enjoy your today. Create a wonderful tomorrow.
