There’s this image of the beginning of motherhood where you become much closer to your own mum, you appreciate what they’ve been through and they’re a guide to this huge new journey.
You swap tales of ultrasounds, they hold your hand, you talk through the similarities and differences of pregnancies and then the baby is there and there’s so much more to share.

And that image is completely real I’ve seen it in action and it’s fantastic.
But what about when you don’t have that, where is the “What to expect from your estranged family when you’re expecting”.

I found…


Today is one year since we had our ultrasound that showed anencephaly in our pregnancy at 13 weeks, it’s a fatal condition and that pregnancy ended.
I’ve mentioned pregnancy loss and I’ve touched on important dates but the truth is I’ve largely hidden a lot of the experience of the last year.
It’s been a year heavy with shame and trying to survive so I almost want to explain where I’ve been.

Pregnancy suits me, I always say I wear a bump well. I was so fearful that a long history of eating disorders would make me go crazy while…

Emily Lockwood

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store