Someone help

Damn it I’m having one of those days again. Those days where my heart feels too heavy for my chest. Those days when I see no point of wearing make up because the incessant tears will just ruin it anyway. Those days when my ache for him transcends beyond emotional and physical needs . Maybe a little bit of comedy will do me some good, but lights go out before I can switch on the TV. Maybe if I open up to Michelle she will find a way to cheer me up. I call her but she doesn’t pick up. “In a noisy place love, my boyfie took me out will call you tomorrow,” she texts me to explain.

Damn it she just had to remind me of him, I used to be happy too once. I can still feel his touch on the nape of my neck, I can still hear his laugh in the echoes of other peoples voices, I can still ….hmmmh. Let’s just say his presence is more pronounced in his absence.

I can’t feel anything else but him. Maybe this is how dying feels like or maybe I’m just depressed. I google the symptoms of depression, yeap the internet and I agree that I’m depressed. I go see a doctor, I explain to him that ever since he left my heart physically aches, ever since he left my lacrimal glands have been overworked, I explain in detail how my mind has resigned to think rationally and left that burden to my war torn hurt.

He dismisses me for wasting his time. You’re young you will find someone else he says. I don’t want someone else I just need to be the old me, I just need myself back. I only wish for my body and thoughts to be mine and not his.