ZERO

That night I was shocked. When you held me in your arms, everything of me was shaken. I missed you so bad for all the world. I wanted to go with everything that will happen but at the back of my mind I thought about what would happen after this. You will leave me there and refuse to get back together. It would happen again, the vicious cycle. So I restrained myself and wrapped my arms around you tightly keeping every bit of control intact. I placed my head on your chest to keep myself from reaching out to your face. I told you we can’t do that because we’ll be hurt more after since you cannot stand by your actions. You don’t want to get back together. You never want that because you just can’t stand the fact that you fell in love with a boring woman like me. You don’t like complications, just the plain you and me loving each other and being with each other whenever we like it, or rather, you like it. When I told you I was distracting myself because I wanted to forget the pain for a short time and focus on more important things like school, you were enraged, thinking that I already left our past behind and that I’m moving on. The funny thing was, I thought I was moving on but the moment I told you what my intention was, I realized that I was doing this for a different reason. That I still want to get you back. That I just want to improve myself for you to realize that I could be a better person. That you could be content of having me by your side and not just a person you will call when you feel lonely. I want to talk with you, about our lives, about our plans. We never talk anymore and it saddened me that there are so many things I could have told you about me that I didn’t have the chance to share. It’s so sad that you couldn’t commit and that you can’t even adjust to a person you love. You always win, you do. Why do you have to rub it in every time, in front of all people? Yes, I am a loser. I admit every single bit of it. You won, you won. If you still want us, be honest, lose your pride and tell me you want me to stay. Now, if you don’t, then don’t drag me with you and let me have the life I can live even without you.