I Like to Think
I like to think that everyone is stressed, whether they know it or not. I like to think that there is a nagging feeling within everyone’s gut that makes them think that nothing is ever actually finished. I like to think that everyone is like me. I like to think that everyone feels what I feel. However, I am not sure how far or close to the truth I am.
Growing up, I always put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best I could be. What can I say, I was a young and striving perfectionist. However, this will to be perfect all but built me up. As stress enters my body it tears me down over and over again. I associate stress with fear and nerves. I am scared I won’t do well on an assessment or I am nervous for a doctors appointment. These things are both important, but how much of my worry are they actually worth?
I like to think that the answer is not much. I wish that I could say all my stress has come for the better, but I have found that stressing has done nothing but prematurely grey my hair and keep me from eating. Why is it that when there is so much going on I get overwhelmed? Why do I feel like I am the only one who feels this way?
Maybe everyone secretly feels this way, no matter how extreme or minute their feelings may be. I like to think that everyone feels a pit in their stomach and tug on their throat when they know that there is a challenge ahead of them waiting to be faced. While these are all things I like to think, I can’t help but wonder if there is anyone that is actually carefree in this world.
I like to think and I ask myself what defines someone who is actually carefree? I mean, I don’t think that they would care about anything at all. Therefore, there would be no stress. But with that would there also be no happiness or sadness? Would they become stuck in the great in between? What is the great in between? If you are feeling nothing are you actually in the act of feeling nothing which is, therefore, feeling something?
The great in between is not static. The great in between is like the grey area between navy blue and royal blue, the empty space between lies and white lies. The great in between is what we look for, but not what we should be looking for. The great in between is a feeling called unfeeling. The great in between is where the monsters come out of the inner workings of your brain to come, find you, and attack you. The great in between is our transition state. We can never truly be carefree. The great in between brings us out of the tunnel traveling the wrong way. The great in between leads us to stress. The great in between reminds me of the picture below. Your mind will choose what side is stress and what side is pure happiness for yourself. I can’t make that decision for you. The great in between, however, will always remain the same. It is the arrow between the two masses. This arrow is significantly special. The start and end products of a process are revealed, but the middle parts of the process are nowhere to be found. This is the great in between. The great in between is unknown and untouched. I believe that no one knows what truly unfeeling is and that’s why we can’t see the middle part of the process. Because even when you’re not feeling, you’re feeling not feeling.
I like to think of humans as buildings. Buildings carry so much inside of them and every single building must be a least a little bit different. So many activities take place within them each day. Substantial pressure is put on a building each day, people walking in and out as they complete activities. What if the people in the building are your emotions? What if you feel thousands of emotions each day? Your building is likely to see thousands of people each day if that is the case. Additionally, if you put too much pressure on a building, it may collapse due to a weak interior structure. However, if a building is structurally sound enough, it can withstand the pressure that is being forced upon it. I like to think that humans are the same way; everyone being different and some being emotionally stronger than others. However, everyone is still searching.
Everyone is searching, not for the great in between but for the structural soundness within themselves. I believe that it is somewhere within us all, but where? No one knows, not even the most mentally sound and stable. We are constantly searching for pure happiness. However, if happiness was pure, then it would become normal and if happiness became normal we would find ourselves in the great in between.
I like to think that a life of solely pure happiness causes stress. Why is everyone striving to only be happy? We cannot find the hardships in our life hard without something easier to compare them to. We cannot identify things are truly happy if we didn’t have hardships in the first place?
What is in between pure happiness and the great in between? I like to think I know, but to be honest with you, not even God does.