About the Future

I graduated from high school when I was 16 years old. At that time, my family didn’t have any conditions to send me to college, and I had no clue about what I wanted to do, so, I waited, things changed, and five years after thinking about what to study and if I should study, I came to a conclusion: take your time.

At age of 16 I started to learn English on my own, the year was 2012, I had no idea my I started studying it, I think I just felt like doing it. As I lived in the countryside in a small city, I didn’t have much access to information. But, that wasn’t a problem, I had an S3 mini 3G connection and google translate, so I started writing words on a notebook then everyday I checked those words to see if I remembered any. There was one problem though: I was fucking bad at grammar, Brazil’s public high school education isn’t good, that’s a fact, I had a weak basis on all subjects, but I keep pushing, keep trying, and I found awesome people online who were willing to help me practice what I was learning.

Three years after studying English, I got kind of good at grammar, at least, I had learn what a pronoun was. Four years later, I started to learn French, it was quick to learn it, similar to Portuguese, I had google tools and great friends to help, in 1 year I was speaking it fluently, damn I am good with languages. Meanwhile I was trying to figure out what I should study, but my thoughts at that time were: “I don’t need college, everyone says it’s useless and it doesn’t teach you anything”. So I haven’t even thought about going to colleges while I was studying languages, why should I go when I could learn everything on my own? I have the internet I don’t need arrogant teachers and spend tons of money on it.

As an introvert I didn’t miss anything from high school, I could see my friends whenever I wanted and do whatever I wanted. It was like heaven. But then, I guess when you start to talk to different people, I had a lot of time to do that, I started to think that I shouldn’t live in the countryside anymore, by the way, I always felt that I don’t bellow here. I wanted to travel, I wanted the city.

So what came to my mind? Languages, that’s what I’m good at, that’s what I’m going to study! I tried to apply to some freelancer jobs online and I saw that it wasn’t that fun, translation can be tricky and I couldn’t think about being a teacher. So what else? Well International Relations! right? I like talking to people, I know languages, I like to travel, that’s like perfect for me, right? No. I don’t actually like people, I like talking to smart people. What then? Law of course! I watched this show suits, it’s awesome I like to argue, I like to read, and I could help people, that’s perfect

I applied to a college close by, four year I haven’t studied, I took a test and passed, 7th on the list. Then, came my doubts, 7th? Really? What level is this college, if someone who hasn’t studied for four years get approved in the 10 best. I remembered some stuff from high school but yet… But I was decided, I was going to study law. Until one day, a Sunday, I was having lunch at home, we had some cousins over, then my mother told them I was going to study law, then one cousin of mine said “oh law? I always thought you were going to study something related to technology, you I thought you liked it.

Shit, I do.

Okay, I had thought of it before, I tried to learn how to code once, I learned on youtube and it was kind of complicated, everyone says coding is easy and that everyone should learn it. No it’s not, no they don’t. Playing writing if’s and while’s is easy, cloning a webpage is easy. Following someone’s tutorial without understanding shit is easy. actually doing the code, designing and making a webpage on your own isn’t. and it caught me, I gave up. But now… maybe my cousin is right, maybe I should give it try, I thought at that time.

I started looking for some online courses, not generic youtube videos, somewhere in which I could really learn how to code, I came across with Edx, and CS50, a Computer Science course from the Harvard University, online, but yet, Harvard. “Okay, sounds good.” 1, 2, 3, 4 lectures, and shit, fucking shit, I loved it. David J. Malan is awesome and for the first time I understood what coding is all about, it’s about solving problems. even your own, even a syntax error. that’s the thing that I struggled most as beginner, I follow a tutorial make a mistake, then I get lost, because people on tutorials usually don’t teach you how to solve problem, how to find your mistakes, that’s the main thing I learn with CS50. I gave up on studying law, it wasn’t what I wanted, but now I found out what I want and it is Computer Science, it’s hard, but it is amazing.

I’m plaining on moving to another city in the next you year to study law, I feel that I am a little bit rushy, even though it took me 5 years to figure out what I wanted to study, and just thinking that I could have made a wrong choice makes me think why so many people change their courses on college, when you are young, you’re not sure about what you want to do, you have to test things, test yourself, discovery what you’re good at, become good at something, you simply have to explore, and exploring takes time.