ARG part 3 - It’s dangerous to go alone.

Some mornings are more epic than others.

Think about the original Zelda game for example. Link wakes up in the middle of nowhere like someone who passed out halfway home from last night’s party and goes straight into a cave only to be greeted by a crazy old man who gives him a sword made out of wood…

Now that’s storytelling!

Drunk Link on his way home

That morning I woke up pretty much like every other morning, half blind and somewhat groggy. Took a quick shower and sat down to have a real adult breakfast in the form of a large bowl of Sugar Crisp. I felt proud and free.

My old apartment wasn’t very big. You could see the front door from pretty much every room beside the bedroom and the bathroom. I still think it’s weird that it took me that long to notice that something had been hanged on it. But the moment I laid my eyes on that beauty, I knew we were destined for great thing.

It wasn’t very long, a forearm or so. But the craftsmanship was remarkable. In the center of it’s silvery plastic blade, the blacksmith behind this masterpiece had used the best quality hot glue to merge a fondue fork to the center of the sword, creating an instruments both elegantly practical and deceptively deadly.

Above it, the old man from the cave was greeting me.

It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this. To work.

That last part had been added to the well known original quote. The meaning, obvious. So I added my new weapon to the other accessories in my bag and headed to work.

As a reminder, I now had a seam ripper, 2 WetOnes, a flashlight, a buckler, a sword, 3 numbers I hoped were correct and an entire conversation that made no sense to me.

While riding the Metro with my Pikachu bag, I started going through yesterday’s conversation with Error and Bagu. The first thing to do was to eliminate any information that I had given that did not seem to steer the discussion in any real direction. I figured that I could also do away with the answers that I hesitated on.

But beside chucking aside stuff like my favorite color, songs and games, I still had way too much info that all seemed to go in various directions. Tetris references, Lavender Town and thus Pokemon, Zelda 2 was all over the place, etc. But one question struck me as more relevant than the others: “What is your quest?”. This was clearly a line from the famous movie Monty Python and The Holy Grail, I was sure of it. Even “What is your favorite color?” is one of the questions the Keeper asks Lancelot on the Bridge of Death. I hadn’t answered Blue like Lancelot, but neither did I hesitate like Galahad. Even Error mirrors the role of the Keeper of the bridge in Zelda 2, in a way.

Galahad wrongly answering the Keeper.

So assuming I had that part right, what was I suppose to understand from it?

When I finally got to the office, everyone had a strange smirk on their faces. At that point, people around me were aware of what was going on, but none of them seemed in on it. They all just looked genuinely amused. When I got to my desk, I discovered that I had been invaded by a throng of monsters during the night. They ranged from fairly low level to quite respectable and had one thing in common: they where all made of birthday balloons.

Balloon minions

So I took out my trusty swordue (sword/fondue fork hybrid weapon) and proceeded to go crazy on that Aracuda’s ass. I was going for the lowest level monster first, I’m not stupid. As the balloon exploded, I received a volley of rupees to the face. I really should have looked at them more closely. Each one had a couple of green, blue and red plastic pellets inside and I got to discover just how difficult it was to blow them up without sending all my dough flying all over the office.

Nonetheless, it was a blast.

Maybe I should stop with the bad puns.

Zhen and Aurelien, two coworkers, were nice enough to help me round up my newly acquired treasure. I had 7 green rupees, 5 blues and 3 red ones. So following standard Zelda logic, 92 rupees. But I could also split that number into 3 values: 7–25–60. But that was assuming their theoretical value was the important factor, and not their colors or simply their sheer number.

How was all that useful? I really didn’t know. And yes, it’s a recurring theme. For now it was just another bunch of stuff to hold on to and add to my list of things yet to have a use. So for the sake of sanity, I decided to assume I had figured out what I had to with the rupees and moved back to what I knew I really didn’t get. After all, night was approaching fast and I had no real clue that led me in any clear directions.

There was one thing Bagu had said that I hadn’t touched upon yet.

If you need me, ask Navi about it, she’ll know how to find me.

Was worth a shot. It’s not like I was going to lose points because I got help from an NPC.

Sent: Thursday, February 18, 2016 at 16:53 PM
From: Émile <forehl@hotmail.com>
To: “hey.listen@email.com” <hey.listen@email.com>
Subject: RE: Join my party
How can I find Bagu?
Thx
Forehl

A little over half an hour later…

From : Hey Listen <hey.listen@email.com>
Sent : 18 février 2016 05:28 PM
To : Émile
Subject : Re: RE: Join my party
He’ll be at the same place today at 06h00 PM

That left me plenty of time to reread yesterday’s conversation a couple of time to prepare myself. The real problem was knowing what type of questions he would answer. And assuming my Holy Grail theory was right, what could I say to make him validate it?

I logged in the chat-room a little early just in case.

Bagu joined the chat
Forehl: Hi.
Bagu: Good evening. I have very little time again today.
Forehl: I understand. Can you tell me how to reach the Holy Grail?
Bagu: Not really. I’m not sure I even know what it is.

Forehl: What do you mean you don’t know what it is?
Bagu: I know it’s suppose to give you eternal life, but that’s really all I know about it. You are the one who said you are seeking it after all.

He was right. But if not for Monty Python, I had absolutely nothing to go on. I was in a worst position than before in a certain sense.

Forehl: You just crushed my soul. I have nothing to go on.
Bagu: Think about what Error told you. You already have the key.
Forehl: Sure doesn’t feel like it.
Bagu: Trust me, you do. Just follow your heart. I g2g, sorry. We probably won’t speak again.
Forehl: Yeah…sure. Thanks.
Bagu left the chat

What bullshit. I needed help and all I got was cheap ready made sentences. I had the key my ass. And now I was suppose to assume the answer was in Error’s part of the conversation? That guy barely said anything.

But that should actually make this easier. The less he said, the fewer things needed to be analyzed. So what was not a question or a direct answer to one of my question or answer?

  1. He said it was the first time we’d met. Which was true, so probably not relevant.
  2. He didn’t want to appear heartless, but had to go.

That was it really. Come to think of it, Bagu had just used the same contraction as Error had: g2g. So maybe that was the important sentence after all. But nothing stuck out as strange about it.

And after doing the same thing with Bagu’s conversation, I was left with a nameless angry king. He mentioned him 3 times. Which is not a lot, but a lot more than anything else. But who was the king? And what was the link with not wanting to appear heartless?

And then it struck me. Bagu had indeed given me the key. Literally the KEY. All I had to do was follow my heart, and with the help of the king, rid the the world of the heartless.

Still not ringing any bells?

Kingdom Hearts probably needs no introduction. But if you don’t know about it, it’s a franchise happening in the Disney universe where you fight monsters called Heartless (but sometimes other things too) to prevent them from turning the various worlds into chaos more or less. And your weapon is a big ass key that opens the door the heart of things.

So the king was Mickey. But an angry Mickey? Now that’s rare. Even in the game he’s rarely angry… Of course there’s South Park’s Mickey. Now that’s an angry king! But I didn’t know where to go from there if that was the case.

I HATE YOU, HA HA!

Once home, I gave a call to my associate and die hard South Park fan, JP.

Emile: Yo dude, if I tell you I’m looking for something that has to do with an angry Mickey Mouse, what do you think of beside South Park?
JP: Hum. South Park. Why?
Emile: Thx… It’s all I have to go on. Except I don’t know what to do at this point.
JP: Does it have to be from South Park?
Emile: What do you mean? Anyway, no, I don’t think so.
JP: Doesn’t your wife have a Mickey Mouse shirt?
Emile: …
JP: Pretty sure she does. I remember telling her it reminded me of South Park because he was angry on it. But she hadn’t seen the episode.
Emile: Yes, she does have an angry Mickey mouse t-shirt.
JP: I know, I just said that.
Emile: I know. I’m just repeating it.
JP: Are you ok?
Emile: Yes. Thank you. I got to go. Bye.
Emile has hung up the phone

Way to go Sherlock.

Found the shirt in bedroom closet, hiding in plain sight. And inside the shirt, taped to the clothe hanger…something.

I understood the letters part of it. And the general shape and direction. WHO AM I KIDDING, I HAD NO FREAKING IDEA OF THE PURPOSE OF THAT THING.

But at least, I could go to bed with the feeling that I had another small victory under my belt.

TUNE IN TOMORROW. SAME BAT-TIME, SAME BAT-CHANNEL.

Fourth part is out. Read it now: https://medium.com/@emilearragon/arg-part-4-whos-your-daddy-8d8dbf36c0a4#.gvszeyytn