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(To fully understand this chapter you may read first here: “kids need rules limits and boundaries definition 3.1”
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In some child development stages kids use body language to communicate. You see your kids crossed arms, but before you ask — is my kid bad or is my child unhappy — watch your own body language. You shoul uncross your arms!
Traditional psychology tells us that crossing arms is a defensive attitude. The concept of defensive attitude is almost automatic in adults as in children.

Let´s change that! Children are extremely repetitive of what are the attitudes of adults. We have to bear in mind that a child, who crosses his arms, probably does it because he sees his father or mother to do the same. Adults have the habit of being always with their arms crossed. They adopt this posture in situations either where they want to transmit a strong attitude of authority as in situations of a simple conversation with friends. The first thing that child will do in similar situations, is to cross his arms too.

Some body language expressions, including crossing arms are communication barriers. We aren’t aware of the negative impact until we stop doing it! We want to know how to foster a kid, how to connect with a kid, how does a child personality develop, how does a child’s background affect their development and we tend to forget that they learn by emulate adults behavior.

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If your child is always crossing her arms the first thing to do before you tell her to stop, is to look at yourself and try to figure out if you have also the same habit. If so, you should make an effort to correct it. Uncross arms brings the following problem: where to put them! Behind your back? The answer is no! Let them fall, let them visible, and the ideal situation is if you are able to look at the back of your hands, like fallen leaves.

It’s a seemingly innocuous gesture but fraught with a strong meaning. Adopt a posture of uncrossed arms and fallen hands, means that there is no intention of aggression from that person.
If you do not have the courage to leave fallen hands that way, then hang them behind your back but always without crossing them as people usually do. Also do not put them in your pocket! Your hands are to be free!

If you already did it, then you have now the condition to change it on your child. You may ask how are we going to uncross our children’s arms when they don’t want to do it? The answer is, with one finger only! Never grasp your children hand or arm in order to obligate her to uncross her arms! Even with the more carefully you get, is always an aggressive attitude.

With your finger, on a vertical position and from up to down, as if you untangled his arms, you can do it! You will feel that they will gradually open slowly their arms, until they are completely stretched. What we are saying to our children is to simply get comfortable, relax and let themselves be. It’s a way to make them feel good, dropping their arms as if they were leaves. From the moment they do it, all their posture changes, and changes because they know they are no longer on defense or offense mode!

Now, it’s time to talk! This talking forks with the following rule, the eyes on the same level.

Watch next video now: “Eye contact communication with kids 3.3”
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