This is 100% spot on — I totally understand rape fantasies.
But it occurred to me as I read this that you’re talking about (mostly) fantasies of *being raped.* That’s what I figured you meant when I saw the title, and when I read the piece. I do wonder, though, about fantasies of *raping* someone. A person who has vivid fantasies of being raped isn’t going to go out and rape someone. Even if they want that fantasy to “be real,” and most people with rape fantasies don’t, they probably wouldn’t do so. But people who fantasize about raping someone? Hrm.
Now, fantasy is fantasy, and having a fantasy doesn’t equal wanting to actually do something. But is a fantasy of total power the same as the fantasy of giving up power? I’m not sure. Basically I’m pretty sure that rapists fantasize about rape before doing it. (I’m sure most violators fantasize about stuff: murder, theft, being an asshole on the freeway, whatever.) I’m poking at the subject because I’m curious. I’m sure there are some rapists who fantasize and some perfectly good people (who are not and would not be rapists) who fantasize, too.
I do think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the fear of expressing such fantasies. The current climate demands “perfect” rape victims, and a rape victim who fantasized about rape is far from “perfect” in the current attitude. Even “perfect” (or mostly perfect) victims like Ford aren’t believed.