Part 1: Today I woke up and I felt like a Mack truck hit me.
Sometimes progress hurts.
My husband and I took a“Be Well” challenge and are doing a “Spartacus Workout” 4x a week. We usually workout at 5pm. But he had to do an install yesterday and so I agreed to do the workout with him at 8pm after the kids went to bed.
The workout, was hard because it was late, I had just eaten dinner and I was exhausted. I didn’t want to do it. But I promised my husband.
What I wanted to do was to COMPLAIN. …
I will not change out of my pajamas today. I will not get to meet my friend for brunch. I will probably not go outdoors today, even though I wanted to, even though I had planned to. I made plans. I had a babysitter all lined up for this Sunday afternoon. But my daughter got hand, foot, and mouth disease from daycare.
When a child gets sick with an illness like hand, foot, and mouth disease, which is highly contagious, the babysitter doesn’t want to come over. It makes sense. So you, as a parent, stay home. You stay home with your 4-year-old sick kid, and your 10-month-old not-sick infant. You watch as your 4-year-old sneezes, sticks things in her mouth, sucks on toys and touches her baby brother and you yell at her, even though it’s not really her fault. And tell her that she shouldn’t be licking things or touching things and she needs to hand sanitize, and she needs to wash her hands. And she gets really sad, because she didn’t mean to be bad. And then you start getting sad, because you’re getting angry at a 4-year-old for something that is probably more adult than her little brain can handle. And you get sad because you’re still in your pajamas, because you’re not going to brunch, because you probably won’t even go outside and see the sun today. Tomorrow is President’s Day and you had plans. The kids were going to go to daycare and you were going to go to your therapy appointment, meet a friend for lunch, and get your hair done. You had made time for yourself. But instead, you will be home, probably still in your pajamas, and you will not have the “me day” that you had planned for. …
In the new year you may have all kinds of resolutions: diet change, exercise, mindfulness, gratefulness, vulnerability, more productivity at work, better alignment to goals, more strategic choices, less anger, less swear words, journaling, more time with the kids, less social media, digital minimalism.
This is where the overwhelm begins.
There’s so much to change and not enough time to change it. You’re overwhelmed. And so your best intentions end with a glass of wine rather than a new habit.
So, stop trying to do “all the things” and focus on the one thing you will change. So of the list above, choose one. You may want to change the thirteen other things, but you are not machine with the ability to change multiple vectors at once. …
Here’s how learning is normally viewed:
The fallacy of “one-size fits all” is an easy trap to fall into because when we get excited about a learning method that resonates with us, we want to share our successes with the world.
“Hey everyone, this Leadership Book will make you a better leader! I read it and it added value to my team from day one. I implemented strategies A, B, and C with monumental success!”
So, when five of your friends read the same book and it only works for one of the five, it’s easy to lay blame on the character of the four that received no value. Why did the book not work for the other four? Is it because they are just not good leaders? …
I had a manager use a Harvard Business article to inform the management team that there were “A” players and “B” players, and we should appreciate and recognize the “B” players on the team. The article warns that “companies’ long-term performance — even survival — depends far more on the unsung commitment and contributions of their B players.”
This was a real turn-off.
Who wants to be called a “B” player, and for that matter, who wants “B” players are their team? The term is used for someone who is not a high performer, the perception is the “B” player puts in the bare minimum or does not have the talent or ability to reach levels of high success. …
Too often perfectionism or fear disallows us from moving forward with finding our people-circle of truth, or internal Board of Directors. The terms mentor, coach, and sponsor are daunting. Moreover, the choice of whom will fill these roles in our life become overly complicated.
Have you ever said to yourself:
- That person can’t be my coach because they need to meet with me once a week and they don’t have the time.
- A sponsor has to check all my “boxes” and since I don’t know anyone that checks every box, I cannot have a sponsor.
- I’m uncomfortable with asking that person to “be” my mentor. …
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
It was the mid-1980s…
This is what I remember: my mom and I were coming home from Turks Food, our local grocery food store, which has since gone out of business. Mom always let me pick out the donuts that we ate after church, so this means it was probably a Saturday afternoon. With our chocolate-filled, nut-ladened donuts in the backseat, my mother drove us home. I was in the front-passenger seat of my parents’ station wagon (you know, the kind with the wood on the side). …
“Valentine, it’s time for bed.” I instruct my three-year-old daughter.
“I don’t want to go to bed.”
I begin the rationalization, “Darling, it’s nighttime and that means it’s time for bed. I need you to pick out some books for bed time.”
All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, I hear a grizzly bear roar,
“A BEAR IS COMING!
I can’t come into your bed, but I’m going to get you if you’re not in your bed.
It’s my husband, Joe.
And it actually works. …
You are toying with the idea of changing your career. You are 5, 10 or 15 years into your <insert job title> position. You have a title like “manager” or “lead”. You have read books, gone to conferences, and had successful projects. Your career in-the-eyes-of-others is running the appropriate path. In five to ten years you can become a director, or a vice president, or an upper-level something-or-other!
But that is the last exclamation point you will use because you don’t feel you add value. You struggle and you are afraid to admit vulnerability. Especially because you are <insert gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, marriage status, etc.> …