Well said, Emma! Thank you for this.
I’m a touch older than you — the tail end of GenX — but had a similar experience during college of asking questions about what Christianity actually produces. It’s a healthy response to leave what you saw. I left too.
I eventually found Jesus hanging about in some progressive churches, though I’ll admit it’s few and far between. The church in America right now is impotent to address the myriad issues gurgling in our nation. But keep your eyes open for the Divine Spirit of Love — she is alive and well in various faith traditions, including Christianity. Check out leaders like Rev. Yvette Flunder, Rev. William Barber, and others who are directly downstream from the faith tradition of MLKJ. Scripture leads me to believe Jesus is most present and alive in communities of the oppressed, so look at the affirming black churches, and those white churches who paid a price to include their queer siblings and who talk about white supremacy as something we need to uproot.
Doubt and questions must be part and parcel of any healthy faith journey .Peace to you, and thank you for your honesty.