Finding the courage to take your big leap

There’s a story from The Big Leap that I’ve always loved. A boy named Sam is talking with an elderly neighbor. The neighbor says to him, “On judgment day, God isn’t going to ask you why you weren’t Jesus. He’s going to ask you, why weren’t you Sam?”

This anecdote always stuck with me, because it’s a courageous reminder of the power of self love, and how modeling love towards ourselves is one of the greatest ways we can empower others to love themselves too.

Take Jonathan Van Ness from Queer Eye, for example. There’s a reason Brené Brown follows him on Instagram. I’m speculating here, but I would bet you $100 she sees his posts and feels inspired by his ability to walk her Call to Courage talk. On an intellectual level, it’s easy enough to see how we’re all on the same playing field of worthiness, but the reason self love takes courage is because it means deciding that you’re worthy of being a player in the first place.

For years I felt like true love and fulfillment only happened for other people (something I talked at length about in my book). Living by this unspoken constriction, I believed that whatever it was that I wanted — a certain career, relationship or lifestyle — , I just couldn’t have it. “No, you sit over here where you belong.”

I feared that if I were to break out of this self imposed prison I would be mocked or criticized.

And I was.

When I finally broke free of my unhealthy conditioning and started living true to myself, blogging and writing my book, as if it couldn’t have been more on schedule, I came face to face with the very mocking and criticism I feared. (That’s the thing about living true to you, it naturally weeds out people in your life who aren’t.)

So I took to therapy, and I cried, and I healed. And it was awful and beautiful, all at the same time. Because you want to know what I learned?

People who chastise you for pursuing a life of your own, are people who desperately wish they could too. It’s not your life that they want, it’s your courage.

Self love is brazen. Not only because it means honoring what others may disapprove. But because it means standing in the light of an imperfect you, instead of hiding behind a seemingly perfect somebody else.

As a world, we’re embarking upon a whole new era. In the face of peril, we get to reflect on why instead of death, we might actually be so afraid of living.

Reminiscing about the girl who sat down to write her first book some 7 years ago, what pushed me past the fear that I was just a “nobody,” was the intolerable realization that I could get to the end of my life having completely given up on the chance to be Emily.

You’re never truly lonely when you’re with yourself. All those nights alone, writing my book or just sitting on the couch, I’m so glad I chose me. Not just because I now have the most wonderful husband and fan messages from readers (something I was terrified I would never receive), but because I get to be free.

Fear of getting trashed by a 1 star review? Been there! Worried about running out of money while I pursue my art? Done that!

Yes, I still have hurt. Fears and painful feelings never completely go away, because it’s part of the human experience. And no, I can’t tell you if your big leap will be worth it. It’s an incredibly personal experience, and only you can answer that.

What I do know, is that when the fear of not living your life becomes greater than any of the fears that could stop you from living it, you’ve reached the moment you’re ready to leap and go pursue it.

Who knows, your courage could very well be what inspires a whole tribe of people to join you.