Update 1 from New year Resolutions
I am writing this on a Sunday evening, one week before Spring break begins. I have been mixed up with multiple feeling from tiredness to unexplained anxiety. He suggested me to see a psychological counselor at school but is a counselor someone who I need to keep with anxiety away? Besides talking about my feelings, I am going to write a short update on my old post, “New Year Resolutions.”
Part I: the demons
I know them, I know them very well. The anxiety, they came in the past, went off, and recently came back again like an old friend. Everyday I look at everyone around me and assume that they would not understand, experience, or know what kind of demons I am baring inside. I ask myself, why can’t I be carefree and being able to “put them in the back of my head.” If life wants me to suffer this anxiety, I have no choice but facing them for the rest of my life.
Part II: the update
- I actually like the job and I have been seeing my coworkers as friends and family. However, I am still working on keeping my GPA high enough for another employed year.
- I am not sure about this. This weekend I cooked some basic food to save money, but not necessarily improve my health.
- My time managing skill is not the best. To be honest, I am still struggling with arranging time slot for studying and social activities.
- This topic is long and complicated, I will have a specific post about this. On the other hand, I can summarize our status: doing okay but occasionally minimal conflicts all from the other Emily.
- Well I brushed my teeth everyday.
- Our security club are going through a crisis. I will manage my time to learn Wireshark over this spring break and pull out a decent workshop.
- Again, I am actually surprised that this is my resolution. And I am disappointed because nothing has changed, look at Part I: the demons above, this is solid proof that I am still worried about unexplained and might-happen-in-the-future things.
- And I am running out of resolutions to update.
I am still struggling finding an internship, may be things don’t really work out as we expect them to do.
Part III: now what?
Whenever finding myself stuck in a shit hole, I tend to find an alternative way, or a direct solution. However, there isn’t really any solution for this case except waiting for an answer and planning for plan B.