This is brilliant. I lost my father this past February and explaining to people how I’m doing, my feelings, what I remember is so hard. I’m 24 and the only one of my good friends to have lost a parent. Right now I’m spending a lot of time trying to do exactly what you said — watch my feelings as they pass through me, rather than chasing them away. So far this year has been harder than I expected — but easier than I thought at the same time. I’m basically living one big paradox.