“You were quiet, so I didn’t talk to you.”

It was the summer between my junior and senior year of college, and I was finishing up a writing internship at a local nonprofit.
As the interns gathered to say our goodbyes, we reminisced about our time together and decided to reveal our first impressions of each other.
We laughed as we poked fun and exchanged stories.
Turning to me, one of the interns exclaimed, “You were quiet, so I didn’t talk to you.”
His comment wasn’t meant as a jab at me, but I immediately felt a twinge in the pit of my stomach. Something as innocent as being quiet made someone not want to talk to me?
The people pleaser in me slowly died as he uttered the sentence, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting.
That simple statement, “You were quiet, so I didn’t talk to you,” sent a whirlwind of doubts and insecurities swirling through my head.
Does everyone here think I’m awkward?
If I was more outgoing, more people would like me.
I’m never going to get a job because they’ll think I’m too quiet.
Suddenly, I began to view my quietness as a contagious disease that sent people running in fear.
Wearing the quiet label
The word “quiet” isn’t a stranger to me. It’s a label that’s followed me for years.
In fact, a lot of people use the word quiet to describe me when they first meet me.
After getting to know me and usually after witnessing some incredible feat of silliness on my part, they exclaim something like, “Wow, I didn’t know you were like this! You were so quiet when we met.”
My friends and family know there’s more to me than the quiet label. Maybe it’s because they’ve had front row seats to my random laugh attacks and terrible attempts at talking in accents.
But are there people who have missed out on getting to know that side of me because they don’t take time to see past the quiet?
I couldn’t stand the thought that someone wouldn’t want to talk to me because I was quiet. So I set out to “fix” my quietness.
After watching a number of YouTube videos about “how to be more outgoing,” I determined that I would do anything to prevent people from thinking I was quiet — even if that meant hula hooping on top of a desk while singing the Star Spangled Banner. Okay I never actually went that far. But the thought crossed my mind.
For so long, I viewed my quietness as a flaw, a weakness, a contagious disease that prevented people from talking to me.
Quiet does not equal weak
The other day, as I scrolled through Twitter, I came across a quote that stopped me in my tracks.
“Never assume that loud is strong and quiet is weak.”
I read the words over and over, slowly drinking them in.
HOLY FREAKING YES. I love those words.
I put so much effort into trying to ditch my quiet label because I thought the terms quiet and weak were synonymous.
I believed the lie that if someone thinks I’m quiet, they won’t take me seriously. They won’t think I have anything to offer.
That summer, as the intern spoke the words, “You were quiet, so I didn’t talk to you,” what I really heard was, “You are not good enough. You are not interesting or worthy of my attention.”
But guess what? That’s not the case.
Just because you’re quiet doesn’t mean you’re not confident. It doesn’t mean you don’t have great ideas. And it sure as heck doesn’t make you any less worthy of people’s time and attention.
In fact, some of the most successful people of today are introverts — think Mark Zuckerberg, J.K. Rowling, and even Emma Watson!
If you’ve been labeled quiet, shy, or introverted, don’t let it make you feel inferior. Quiet does not equal weak.
Talk to the quiet girl
Have you been avoiding getting to know someone because of a label you assigned them? Maybe that label is “quiet” or maybe it’s something completely different.
No matter the reason, take a risk. Reach out. Make a new friend.
You may even discover that the quiet girl isn’t all that quiet after all.
And to all my quiet friends, never feel like you need to change who you are.
You are strong. You are worthy. You are capable of great things.
