covid has changed the lives of many, including me. when my first and last thought was him it never ceased to be that way. i had to survive, and had be without him. my heart plummeted farther than the stock market. the times i felt farthest from him was over the phone, when i could hear his rigid voice as he woke up without a simple embrace when a hand was reached. how could i go on? his touch, this sentimental touch he caressed me with, cannot he lived without. but there was not a second option. not a visible one. the depths of my despair was where i fathomed i’d be. the truth was, my dearest dear could have been with me. he could have… but destruction was obstructing. the cat was not chased by the mouse anymore because the mouse was dead. i feared he would be the mouse. another victim of this wretched pandemic. every bone in my body quaked in agony. my soul yearned for his. that intense feeling- it was love. yet my love was what restrained me from feeling that simple caress.