The trouble with waiting.

As much as I’d love to go all Yoda right now and stress the importance of living in the moment and being aware of the present while being mindful of the future, I regrettably inform you that I am not that wise. I’ve always partaken in the extremely bad habit of waiting. I wait for work to be over so I can be home, I wait for it to get late so I can sleep, and I most likely subconsciously wait to wake up the next day so I can do it all over again. I wait for the week to end so it can be the weekend, I wait for months to go by, I wait for years to pass so that things can be different as if they are magically going to unravel and my life will become great without any action by me what so ever, but I constantly forget that the future only exists because of the present. Without yesterday there would be no today, without today there would be no tomorrow, and I foolishly take advantage of that philosophy.

You see the trouble with waiting is that it stops you from living.

I have been counting down the days until my 18th birthday for almost 3 years now, and I’m not even sure of the reason anymore. Granted there are things I can do when I’m 18 that I cannot do now, jobs I can get, places I can go, etc. but I continuously fail to realize that I will be the same person on that day as I am right now, and that I was yesterday, and that I was 3 years ago when I made the bloody countdown. Surely people change over time, but when you focus all your energy on waiting for something that may not even happen, you tend to stop growing as a person in the mean time. I realized recently that there are so many things I could have done these past 3 years that I didn’t do. I graduated high school at 16, started working 2 jobs, and aside from that I have spent my spare time complaining about time moving too slow, and me wanting to be considered an adult by others, instead of proving to them that I already am. Saying that you’re something and being something are two very different things and while I may be mature for my age in many ways, in no way am I ready to take on the adult world on my own (yes mom and dad, I really did just say that.)

Granted there are many factors that lead into my yearning to be an adult that I will not share with you, none of them make up for the fact that I have wasted a large chunk of my life waiting for a larger, shittier chunk of my life to happen. Undeniably, every teenager has used the classic “I can’t wait till I’m 18 so I can move out” insult on their parents at least once in their lifetime, myself included. However I never really realized what I was saying, as I’m sure most teenagers don’t (but we know everything, don’t we?!)

Every family has problems. This is an unavoidable fact of life. But very rarely are these problems big enough to justify telling the people who raised you up from diapers, cared for you, loved you the best way they knew how, forgave you time and time again, spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on you over the years, fed, clothed, and provided for you that you can’t wait until you can leave them and fend for yourself in this crazy world. I never knew what I was saying. I thought I understood what I was waiting for. I thought I wanted what I was waiting for. As the days on my countdown lessen my anxiety only grows, and I realize more and more each day that I have been waiting for the easiest part of my life to be over. I’ve been waiting for that day for so long that when it comes I’m not even sure what I’ll do. My instincts will tell me to find something else to wait for, and I probably would too, but no. I’m through with waiting. I’m deleting my countdown and cherishing my last few months of adolescence, because while I refuse to believe that these were the best years of my life and I pray that they weren’t, I truly believe that they were the easiest and as much as I deny that I will, I’m sure I will miss them someday. Or at least what they could have been.

To sum it up I could post one of 100’s of quotes on here right now about how important it is to seize the day, and that you only live once, and tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, but we’ve all heard these cliché lines countless numbers of times, so I won’t do that. I will however suggest that the next time you see one posted on social media, take a moment to read it thoroughly. Think about something you’ve been putting off lately and ask your self why, and then do it. Quit your job and find a better one, go back to school, dump your POS boyfriend/girlfriend, go on that vacation you’ve always wanted to go on but never had the courage to take, call that person you’ve been waiting to call, start your diet TODAY not tomorrow not next week and definitely not on new years, stop waiting for things to change on their own because I promise you they wont. Don’t wake up 10, 20, 30 years from today and regret the choices that you didn’t make today. Nothing changes if nothing changes, and you’re the only one who can make things happen in your life. Stop waiting.