5 Steps to Master the Dirty Talk Without Looking Silly

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When we think about techniques to improve our sexual relations, the first things that come to mind are usually on the physical level; i.e. oral sex, different positions, fulfilling partner’s fantasies etc. But we seldom think about the power of words. Dirty talk is something few people have considered that could improve intimacy with a partner.

According to Ian Kerner PhD, the author of Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man “speaking or hearing erotically charged words stimulates dopamine transmission, which plays a huge role in sexual excitement”. This sounds to me like quite valuable information which you could use. Simply tell you partner what you would like to do to them or what you want your partner to do you, in a sensual way, and turn up the heat between you two.

This biggest fear people have, who haven’t done much dirty talking, is to overdo it and sound silly or even rude. So, how then? It certainly doesn’t have to be complicated or overly sophisticated approach. Just keep it simple. Here’s a step-by-step approach for those who wish to spice things up and improve their dirty-talk game.

  1. Prelude: Start the dirty talk before you go to bed but still try to keep it a bit innocent. At least not jump into something too dirty at this stage, as that could sound a bit creepy. Ask your partner if he/she has been thinking about you, using a seductive tone, just a whisper in the ear. Just a small gesture like this can turn things on and is just a part of the foreplay like I explained in this short article: You Don’t Know Anything About Foreplay
  2. Game’s on: They should respond with a resounding “YES” for the game to be on. Then you follow up with, again your seductive voice: “Exactly what have you been thinking about?”
  3. The temperature is rising: Now, obviously, you take it further depending on the reply and how comfortable you feel. You could be very direct and say: “I want your ____ in my ____”. But, if you’re a beginner and you want to take it slow, think about last time you had sex and tell them what you liked best. This will help create the environment and give your partner a very direct clue of what you’re up to.
  4. Time for action: Dirty talk is not supposed to substitute the action itself, but we’re simply talking about having both. Ask them where they want you to touch them, or where they want to touch you. This way, if your partner is a dirty-talk expert, they will certainly give flaming reply. Take small steps, little by little, and the heat will gradually rise to an unbearable level.
  5. Everybody naked now: The previous steps have led to a naked situation which is the best time to take advantage of more risqué phrases. Let them know that you like what they’re doing and propose — in sensual voice — what you want them to do to you or what you’re dying to do to them. Complement their body and their actions; tell them explicitly. Moans, sighs, screams … confess to them some fantasies or something you want to try. Let creative thinking and actions free and encourage your partner.

Remember that dirty talk is not a matter of disrespect, but a game that is incorporated before and during sex. So, if any words offend you, tell your partner.

These simple steps will help any beginner become a dirty-talk specialty! Enjoy :)

Originally published by Room Privée on November 19, 2019: 5 Steps to Master the Dirty Talk Without Looking Silly

Written by

MRes in Sexology and Co-Founder at Room Privée, educator, coach, and avid promoter of sexual wellness, sex positivity, and general self-love ❤

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