Anxieties of us twenty somethings.
Everyone I know is anxious. It might be low level, day to day uncertainties on their motivations. In some cases it’s full blown, tight chested, can’t breath isolations. Either way it’s a condition of not just my generation but all generations.
We are just the most vocal on it. We’ve been raised to speak our mind and air our thoughts publicly. We learnt that from a generation that were stifled by their parents, who suffered the silence and stigma.
Unfortunately now we are chastised for the same openness we’ve been awarded the freedom to have. Isn’t that irony.
This is not an angry letter to the editor of our lives. This is not a nit pick on social media acceptance or even a highlight on the pressures of our generation.
This is actually about the anxiety itself.
What a shitty shitty thing to feel. Plain and simple.
The loneliest of all the depravities. Just lying in your bed at night incapable of catching your breath, mind racing, self doubting and panicked. Or standing in your shower unable to even cry because you’re so overwhelmed by the feeling of possibly never fully understanding yourself. Perhaps even the low level slow motion walk around work. Where you know you’re actually walking at normal pace and talking as you always would but in your head it’s a fuzzy, out of body experience.
And then it passes. Serotonin levels increase and you’re back at the wheel, cruise control off. You slow down and you take the scenic route back to your life.
It’s a diagnosis of the twenty somethings. We are all post college, very post college. We are not all in the jobs we envisioned. We have either done our big travels or our big relationships or our big partying days and now it’s over. And we are soul searching and on our own for the first time. Time to really leave the crossroads and pick a direction. Whichever direction we take is the absolute cause of our anxieties. No parent, no teacher, no boyfriend, noone to tell you the right way this time. This time you’re 25 or 26 or 27 and you really must decide this on your own.
And so we don’t. We dawdle.
We drink and fuck and stay in the jobs we’re comfortable in until we meet the love of our life to push us, or a parent lands us a job opportunity of a lifetime, or a friend demands we move/travel somewhere together.
It’s incredibly hard to wait and it’s the waiting that causes all the self doubt, that will we ever truly be adult enough to make our own decisions. Make the right decisions. Be in control and mind ourselves. Are we ok? Should we be trusted.
The answer is Yes. The solution is to take one very very big step into any road at all that isn’t this junction. And walk or run and just don’t look back. Because before you know it there will be another crossroads where you can go the other way. The anxieties will never end but they can be overcome by just confidently deciding that this is the right choice for now. Keep moving.
All we can do is keep moving. As that cheesy old adage goes, “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey that counts”
It’s so so so very true.