Why I Only Make Friends Online
It’s not because I’m shy — it’s worse than that
Over the last 12 years, my husband and I have moved 7 times to four different cities. First, he followed me to university. Then, I followed him to grad school. Now, we’re trying to find a place where we belong.
During that time, I suffered worsening symptoms from a multitude of chronic health issues.
Moving away meant losing touch with all my friends. Being ill meant I didn’t make any new ones.
My symptoms aren’t all physical and they manifest in complicated ways. They caused me to develop severe social anxiety. I have an extremely difficult time with any social interaction (even small pleasantries with a cashier or librarian can use up all my spoons). To avoid devastating my brain, I isolated myself a lot.
The thought of seeing people filled me with dread. As soon as my husband told me about some new person he met in his grad program, I panicked. I worried they’d invite us somewhere or that they’d ask to come over. Any time there was an invitation, I spent days working on the perfect excuse to get out of it. During the last 8 years, I’ve always had a baby or a toddler. They were my go-to Get Out of Anything Social cards.
