Los Angeles

Our last day in Vegas and we are at a bit of a loss as to what to do because the pool is probably still slightly enveloping the vomit and it is extraordinarily boiling hot so we have no choice but to hit the casino.

As I have absolutely no idea what those big tables and chips are for we head for the fruit machines. Neither of us have any idea what we are doing or even what a winning line of fruit or whatever would look like. Ever the cautious gambler I feed the first dollar note into the machine and press one of the buttons. There is a lot of whirring and then one of the knobs light up and its the one which says cash winnings. I press it and get a ticket for 64 cents..Not great but better than losing the lot.

I am about to walk away but think I’ll just have one more go. I search for a dollar bill but the smallest I have is a $5 note. I very reluctantly feed it in and press the relevant button. I actually win $62 and even more impressively walk away with the winnings…

Spend it on cake immediately but even so…

Late afternoon flight to Los Angeles and this time without the added and uninvited excitement of a near fatal accident. The e-ticket said that the flight was one hour 20 minutes but we were obviously in some time machine because we landed 30 minutes later.

The temperature was much more human but the driving to the hotel was quite exciting in a ‘why dont we completely tail gate that huge truck in front of us”way. However we arrived at Loews Hotel in one piece and we got a warm welcome by the staff even though Tralfinders seem to have booked me in under the name of Martin Somebody or other. They were forced to ring them in London to get confirmation that I hadnt just had a sex change. Humiliating.

Our room is large with a nice bathroom but sadly no beach view in fact we have a rather fine view of the air conditioning duct across the way..

Supper in the bar — crispy calamari and fish nachos but we are surrounded by tatooed British men. Why are they here? Perhaps to ease us gently into the idea of going home in a couple of days…

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