The Types of Customers Who Pick Up The Phone
I call 250 people every day selling insurance over the phone for a large company. On average, I talk to about 30 people per hour. I’ve made more than twelve thousand cold calls. And man, do I have stories for days.
If you work a job where you’re making cold calls all day long, especially to sell something, then some of this may feel familiar.
1. That One Old Guy

He sounds 105. He’s friendly enough, a little confused, and probably wants to tell you about the rabbits in his garden because he thinks it might be relevant information. He’s not really sure though. But they’re eating way too much of his lettuce. That’s for sure. Probably time for a new fence. I heard Home Depot has deals on fences. Is that what you heard too?
2. Hablas Espanol?
I wasn’t blessed with the gift of being bilingual. I’ll have to pass this sale to someone else.
3. Busy Betty
Busy Betty is the woman who picks up the phone for the express purpose of telling you she’s at work and she doesn’t take calls at work, especially because she’s about to head into a meeting with her boss to review the numbers on the quarter close, so please call her back at a time when works best for her, which is usually Monday and Thursday from 2pm to 2:30pm, but she might not pick up if she doesn’t recognize the caller ID so if that happens just call back one more time, thanks.
When she’s done telling you where she is, what she’s doing, and what she wants, she’s discredited her initial claim that she is “busy,” and you’re confused about why she picked up in the first place. Why?!
4. Wrong Number Nancy
“WRONG NUMBER. WHAT NUMBER DID YOU JUST CALL?” Um… I called the one you just picked up????
5. Grieving Greta

“Hi! How are you?”
“Well I’m fine but I’m with my husband in the hospital because he had a stroke, my cat died last week, and my company is doing a lot of layoffs so… (starts sniffling)… I just have a lot of pressure on me right now…. ”
Oh sh*t, that was a can of worms you never meant to open.
6. Angry Arnold
If you’re working with a large company, then they hate your company. Generations ago, their ancestors were slighted by an employee who gave them a bad deal. It’s spiraled into a Montague-Capulet rivalry between them and your company, and now, you get to pay the price.
And if they’ve never heard of your company, then they just hate you. Either way, they’re f**king angry. Prepare to die.
7. Who Are You Yousef

“Hi, I’m trying to reach Youse — ”
“WHO IS THIS?”
If you could stand to wait ONE SECOND, that would be the next thing out of my mouth. But it’s fine, I prefer operating in the hostile environment you just created.
8. Terrible Connection Tom
“Hi, I’m trying to reach Tom.”
“fffffffsssssskkkkkzzkk”
“Sorry, is Tom there?”
*static fuzzes* “I SAID — ” *kkkkzzcckkksssss*
9. Mouth-breather Marty
The line stops ringing. Nobody says hello. “Helloooo?” you ask, as if into a cavernous, empty hole in the universe. Someone’s breathing. You start to wonder if you’re in the opening scene for a horror movie. They hang up without explanation. Yep, you’re definitely double checking your locked doors tonight.
All in all, people can be frustrating. But at least you have plenty of interesting stories to tell.

