When you’re a few drinks and in and HAVE to tell Terry from HR how AMAZING his beard is

Christmas is a joyous time of year for some people. The perfect storm of consumption and re-purposed pagan traditions that seems to whip people into the kind of frenzy where they think candy-canes are a good breakfast option and it suddenly becomes cool to watch the latest saccharine straight-to-Netflix Christmas movie about a woman finding her prince (sure Christmas is about love, but even Netflix can acknowledge falling in love with a rich prince is way better then hooking up with some average Joe with an average wage).

As a confirmed Grinch, there are many, many (MANY!) things about Christmas…

Netflix… you’ve done it again, you crazy bastards

We all know the standard Christmas traditions such as the exchange of unwanted gifts purchased at great stress and expense at the last minute, arguing over who will bring which side dish in the family group chat and eating until you think you’re going to vom. One Christmas tradition that has emerged in recent years is for Netflix to release a slew of cheesy seasonal movies with plot holes bigger than your crazy Aunt Bertha after her fourth helping of Pavlova. Mocking these movies has now become a tradition that is universally beloved. In the past few years we’ve seen…

Day 1

In June my long suffering Irish husband and I had our ten (10) year anniversary. We decided to celebrate going a decade without killing each other by taking a trip to Vietnam in our school holidays. I was fairly buzzing by the time I got to the airport, in good spirits and silently mocking all the people at the domestic terminal as I pranced past them to the international terminal. It had been a couple of years since I went on holiday, and I felt fully justified being a douchebag about it. …

(In case you missed Part I https://byrslf.co/a-basic-white-bitch-travels-to-vietnam-part-i-ba308b838d83)

Day 7

The sign that lured me in

The next day we decide not to go on a motorcycle tour (the video clip for Celine Dion’s It’s All Coming Back To Me Now taught me all I need to know about motorbikes thank. You. Very. Much) and instead grab a taxi to go check out the tiger and elephant fighting arena. We pulled up only to realise it has been closed off for repairs. The arena was originally built in 1830 and the last event happened in 1904 so who knows how long those renovations have been carrying on…

It was driven by a mix of pride, shame, and caffeine

On the free image website this was labeled as ‘ clear glass vase with brown liquid’. Close enough, right?

Despite living most of my life in Melbourne, where coffee is essential, I never considered myself a coffee connoisseur. I partake in many other Melbourne-based activities such as joining any queue I see or checking the BOM website with religious fervor, but although I down a cup of joe on the daily I never seemed to develop the passion for it that others have.

I first started drinking coffee in high school. We thought it was trés sophisticated to go to the local café after school and order coffees. I would attempt to make the bitter brew more palatable by…

Fake it ’til you make it

Basically me.

The modern lady is a busy gal what with all the mundane necessities in life, like thinking of reasons to skip spin class, chatting to guys on Tinder that you have no intention of meeting up with, deciding which takeaway to get and ordering custom accessories off Etsy for your cat, there is hardly any time left for the stuff we feel that we SHOULD be doing… but really can’t be bothered with. Well, don’t stress, here is my guide on how to pretend to be cultured, without actually having to interrupt your hectic…

The real tragedy of footy season

Yeah OK, I couldn’t find any AFL images. Let’s all just use our imagination here.

The days are shorter and colder and that can only mean one thing — footy season is in full swing. The whole of Australia is suddenly obsessed with football, football players and their glamorous counterparts — the wives and girlfriends often referred to as WAGS.

Such is the status of WAGS that there have been TV shows written about them — hundreds of meters of newspaper print dedicated to their Brownlow dresses, and in certain cases they can even eclipse their better halves. Given much of this attention is even sought out by the WAGS, a more cynical person than…

Don’t mess with their food

In Australia we like to think of ourselves as a nation of foodies, we pride ourselves on embracing obscure cuisines from every corner of the planet — you want to get Nepalese? Here are my top five favorite Nepalese picks in order of authenticity. We go mad for a good food trend, a new food festival is popping up every weekend, and avocado on toast apparently caused a housing crisis. But in all honesty, our gourmet aspirations aren’t a patch on Italians.

Italians are well known for dodgy politicians, being at the forefront of fashion, and their passion for food…

(Apologies for the terrible pun)

This is how I met my husband. Definitely not at a seedy nightclub at 2 am.

In Iceland (population approx. 330,000) there is an app called Islendiga which lets users bump their phones together to see if they are related so you can avoid accidental incest (the genius tagline is ‘bump in the app before you bump in bed’).

It’s not just in Iceland that this is a concern. As owners of a rogue grandfather, whom we have never met, but is thought to have carried on doing his bit to populate the country, my brothers and I have possible half-Aunts and Uncles and maybe second cousins existing out in the dating ether. Although I have…

Emma Betty

I have an affinity for Aldi’s wine, pizza and making terrible life choices. Not necessarily in that order.

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