How to manifest the superpower of INVISIBILITY to become super sexy, attractive and successful!

…and how to raise the eyebrow of an enlightened extra-sensory squirrel

Recently my eating disorder therapist and I deduced a huge strong mental correlation I’ve made between being thin and being attractive. We did an exercise to plot people onto a graph of two dimensions: weight and attractiveness.

She labelled the opposite of attractive as unattractive. What an idiot! Clearly the opposite of attractive was invisible? Right? Seen vs not be seen? Desired vs No feelings towards you whatsoever? Someone vs No-one? To me being invisible was the worst thing in the world.

I was listening then to a bit of Brene Brown yesterday talking about our shame triggers and the hideous statistics about how fucked up women’s relationships are with their bodies and eating disorders with 80% of 10 year old American girls having been on a diet, 19% of college age girls with Bulimia, 80% of women suffering genuine body dysmorphia (even if it didn’t manifest in an eating disorder) and the vast majority of women looking in the mirror and thinking every day that they are disgusting! The highest rates of suicide were in girls who considered themselves overweight and 90% of plastic surgeries are conducted are on women. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve fantasized about sucking the fat out of my hips, injecting poison into my face and shoving a bit lump of plastic into my tits. Definition of sexy!

Popular media, as we know , champions the ideal woman, the lighter physique, 24% lighter than the average woman apparently (again American statistics), with a body shape only 5% of the population could hope to achieve genetically….that’s just looking at weight and height before we even take into account the additional social standards for facial beauty, weight distribution, perfect teeth, hair, skin, attire etc.

What you don’t see enough of in the media are women who don’t fit the ideal. Normal women with sexy little paunches and wobbly bums, knobbly knees, wonky boobs, scars and stretch marks, acne, greying hair and a pretty little hairy upper lip that reflects the sun on a summers day .

It’s not that they are out there and deemed unattractive or ugly. They are just not there.

They are invisible.

Therefore pursuit of physical perfection comes as a response to the biggest threat to our perceived feminine power: Invisibility.

I know what it feels like to be invisible.

At primary school I was a gifted student but otherwise perfectly normal. Friends with everyone but somehow invisible to boys. Last one standing at the school dance: The girl who always had to be the boy in country dancing to make up the numbers. I spent my adolescent years being the totally average looking best friend of the vivacious ballsy blonde who everyone wanted to date. Countless times did guys I had a crush on ask to speak to me at lunch or in class, raising my excitement, just to be asked what they might do to get HER attention.

At university, after a disastrous and lonely Freshers week, the first friend I finally made (a girl) and spent an afternoon with drinking tea and chatting about our deepest selves, was introduced to me again the following day by another student promptly and politely REINTRODUCED HERSELF TO ME with seemingly no knowledge that I had ever previously existed! …. from then on followed occasion after occasion of similar incident and “nice to meet you stranger” (we’ve met before!!!!!!) until I completely gave up the expectation that anyone might remember who I was! (by the way the worst incident was someone I admired and met 7 times before they remembered me….on which occasion they insulted my choice of t-shirt. Go me!)

So I get what invisible can feel like.

And since I left university I’ve lived a life in pursuit of visibility.

To me personally that meant being ATTRACTIVE AND SUCCESSFUL! Who doesn’t love the attractive and successful girl right? Boys were going to want to be with me and girls were going to want to be me! It was easy. All I needed to be was: thin, fit, pretty, smart, funny, sexy, well-liked, disciplined, ambitious, hard-working, kind, easy-going and always under control. Not only that but display each characteristic to such perfection that no-one can question the validity of my self-identity in these areas.

Simples.

So begins living life on lettuce and protein shakes, overtraining and converting my body into that of an adolescent boy on steroids (may have misjudged that one), being seeing to put in long and productive hours at work whilst putting up with and compensating for incompetence, sexism, ageism,undecipherable politics and sometimes just utter nonsense, climbing the greasy pole like a terrified novice erotic dancer, running back to back going to everything I’m invited to, wearing skirts my ass nearly bust out of everytime I bend over, countless hours untangling hair extensions, panicking in the mirror in daylight about poorly applied make up I put on at 5am ,staggering around like an idiot in high heels, wasting my time dating whilst agreeing with everyone that my clock is ticking and if I don’t settle down soon my body and life will somehow self-combust, putting on a calm face when I want to scream or cry, doing exactly what everyone tells me whilst convincing myself it was my idea and of course sharing how wonderful my life is on facebook religiously #bestdayever! #datenight #gratitude.

AARGGHHH!!!!

In private meanwhile, life looks like this: poor self-care, declining health, binge eating, anxiety, lonliness, resentment of friends and co-workers, distancing of the relationships that matter to me, panic, sleep deprivation, heartache and total inertia in personal development. Essentially spiritual suicide.

Much though the idea of being invisible again fills me with dread….. is this really the better alternative?

This realization suddenly got me to thinking… in theory invisibility is a super power right? Like super strength or mind control or spidey fingers? Invisibility deserves a spandex onsie and a cape and a loyal sidekick and never taking a Sunday off being awesome!

….What would I do now if I were………The Invisible girl?

Every day would be a day of scarecrow hair and nudity (if it wasn’t too cold to demand my invisibility cloak). Does my bum look big in this? Who knows! In the summer I’d do naked cartwheels badly in the park with no fear of the judgment of myself and others and maybe just an occasional raised eyebrow from an enlightened extrasensory squirrel.

My time would become my own. I would be wherever I wanted to be with whoever I wanted to be with. I could hitch a lift on a submarine to a 5 star beach resort or fly business class to Peru and head into the jungle. I would often camp under the stars in deeply isolated places.

I would lock myself away and dive into self-exploration and self-development, harnessing my spiritual connection and building confidence, resilience and power.

I’d eat fruit from the trees and leftover smoothies from the restaurants.
I would carve down the ski slopes after hours (thermal invisibility cloak and invisible helmet), bathe in waterfalls and hang out in the men’s sauna. I’d make friends with the butterflies (my power animal) and even better friends with myself.

I would be present with my friends and family and in every conversation we have they would have to listen, really listen to hear the truth in my words without the distraction of the noise of my body language, knowing our time together was sacred and soon I’d be off to make my difference in the world. We could still hug when I left and they would feel me.

I’d only give my body to people who had earned my trust and into whose pure souls I had had a good snoop around when they didn’t know I was there. MY god my inner stalker would have so much fun!! WHOLE NEW LEVEL STALKING! Sexual union with these people would be on a higher level, basing everything on the kinesthetic, touch, vibration and the power of the spoken word. They couldn’t see me but they would feel me and feel my love for them in ways they had never before experienced.

I would give myself freely to helping those who needed me. There would be no-where else I’d need to be. I would be discerning with my time and use it wisely.

I’d get under the skin of what it means to be human. I’d see things other people don’t see and hear things said when no-one thinks anyone is listening.

Eventually I’d start to share my story and my findings with the world and increasingly give power to all the other people who are stuck in their smaller selves, trapped by the confines of trying to be attractive and successful. I’d let them know that by focusing inwards not outwards, attraction and success was already within their grasp. I would enroll people into a different way of being, where they are their best, most creative and freely expressed selves. Where people act with integrity and love and disintegrate their judgment of others and of themselves.

Some people would know I’m real, others would believe i was just some sort of media hoax. I would be loved, hated and everything in between. I would love everyone.

Sometimes I’d be that creeping sensation that you shouldn’t do that thing you’re about to do when no-one is looking. (Many people will not do that thing and the world will be a better place for it). Sometimes I’d be the one that just says, “need a hug?” when you need it most. Sometimes I’d be that weird smell you thought was the dog. It wasn’t. (I really should avoid gluten).

Your attractiveness comes from a combination of your confidence, your authenticity, you presence, your passion and the joy you give out. (Shelly Bullard)

Success is nothing more than finding connection to yourself and others, tapping into your source and creative imagination and contributing to the world around you in your own unique way.

Since my operations I’ve been spending more and more time with myself, locked away with just my creative imagination, a clear head and a jar of peanut butter, without any make-up, obligations or commitments. I’m no longer making social arrangements except when I’m overwhelmed by excitment to do to. I’m no longer living within the boundaries for life that previous constrained me.

I am wearing clothes, for those of you with a visual imagination.

Right now I’m not my thinnest or commanding a huge team in the office. There is no-one telling me they love me every morning and no line-up of parties and dinner dates to fill my diary.

I’m sat here weighing 10kg more than my “thin weight” and writing about flashing enlightened squirrels with my V-jay jay

…but I’m by far the most attractive and successful I’ve ever been…

…and I’m loving finally being invisible again