Gratitude: January 22, 2016
Today on my precious day off of work, I puffed up my chest, rolled up my sleeves, and got an IUD.
(If you wanna just jump down to the bottom now for the actual gratitude part, you can. I don’t blame you.)
I’ll save you the whole medically-accurate story — it is kind of unpleasant; my mom hardly could hear it — but I will tell you this: my story is going under the “worst thing ever” files.
Look — I have ten piercings, some that have been re-done, and a tattoo in a bony, sensitive area. I have fractured my wrist, and sprained my ankle severely. I have had a moderate-to-severe concussion. I had a disgusting case of whooping cough (despite being vaccinated!) in high school. I have had hangovers so bad that Satan himself was like, “No, you deserve to suffer this; you had a ten-drink ‘power hour’ in twenty minutes. I’m not ready for you, so death won’t be sent your way.” Man, I’ve even worn bad shoes to Disneyland.
And I will tell you this — none of those hurt nearly as bad as this did.
It was the worst 5–7 minutes of my life. Ladies, think of the worst cramp you’ve ever had, and increase that tenfold, and then multiply by three. Guys, think of the worst dump you’ve ever had to take and imagine laying there unable to get an-y-thing to move and it’s just stabbing you right in the lower intestine and colon area. And getting kicked in the privates on top of that.
Despite the CNP and MD telling me I did a good job “keeping it together,” I felt something like this:
You know, I was told that early stage labor contractions can feel similar to insertion; I have decided to adopt children in the future. And, I have a mad respect for women who have children vaginally. I always have, but now it’s deep and sincere. Bless you, mothers. Bless you.
TL;DR …
I had f — — ng miserable morning in the stirrups.
(*eats ice cream and watches Doctor Who*)
Anyways.
I’ve had a run of it today, and I think I’m ready to just reflect and tap out.
- Roe v. Wade. There’s a lot of fine print that goes into the legalese of this supreme court case, and I encourage you to read it and think about it sometime. I’m grateful for this, though, because this case was landmark in the pathway to where we are as a country today. It has left both incredibly good and incredibly bad implications, but in the end … Thank Christ for RvW. I am glad the case ruled in the way it did; as a woman, it has opened up doors for reproductive health. While I cannot say RvW has helped me directly, I most certainly can say that the campaigns and ideologies related to it have. Thank you to those who continue to stand up and defend the reproductive rights of females everywhere.
- Fresh avocados. Nothing redeems a day of pelvic distress like a bowl of guac and tortilla chips — without fresh avos, that would be impossible!
- Ninja! Special shout-out goes to my favorite catphew (cat nephew) for battling a wicked urinary illness and being alive and full of meows and cuddles. I’m grateful you’re still here, bb.
❤ Emily