SHAME

a reflection on #bodyweek #NEDAawareness and how it’s impacting my Lenten Journey

I am 5'3".

I wear a bra that has to be specially ordered to fit my chest.

I am 40ish lbs overweight and I workout (almost) daily.

I’ve struggled with my body image for so many years. I’ve been every size imaginable. I’ve been miserable.

I have fallen victim to the belief that in order to be happy- in order to be loved- I had to look a certain way + be a certain size.

And then I read this article in buzzfeed.

And then I saw this quote:

One of the things I’ve come to understand is that, when you’re single, hating your body is more or less a victimless crime, if you don’t count yourself. When you get into a relationship, however, it becomes a constant referendum on the tastes and judgement of the person who loves you.

I know I’ve made Boyf feel uncomfortable before with my self hate. I know it- even if he is too good to say anything about it. Its something I’m working on. I’ve written about my struggle here and more than likely will keep writing about it.

And originally, I sat down to write a post about that. Becuase it was on my heart + I told myself that I’d use this site to publish everything on my hear for the next 40 days.

And thats when it hit me.

Does my body shame hurt Christ? Does my self loathing injure Him, the same way it injures Boyf?

yes.

because He loves me infinitely. because He made me. Because He values my soul more than He values my body.

and that my friends, is beautiful.