The self is an illusion… but for who exactly?
An illusion needs a deceived one, no? This article is a question, not an answer.
I got interested in Buddhism recently. I read some books about it, like losing yourself by Jay Garfield and The Buddha teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh. And I have to say, I am both very thrilled by what I discover about myself, but also full of questions.
The biggest question I can’t wrap my head around is about the illusion of the self. So I wanted to ask here on medium if some specialist could help me to understand.
At some level, I understand what the Buddha means by saying that we have no self. Like no soul. I get that we are not a free spirit, imprisoned in a body. We are this body. But I have difficulty with this concept that the self is an illusion. Because illusions, as I understand it, don’t exist outside of the perception of a subject.
What I mean is that by definition, an illusion is a wrong perception of a sensory experience. Like a fake oasis in the desert. It doesn’t exist if no one is there to be deceived by it, as it doesn’t exist outside of the perception. The sand is there in the desert, with or without an observer to see it. But the fake oasis needs an observer to “come to life” in a sense, or to “fake life”.
If we admit that the self is an illusion, and why not after all, I can’t help to wonder, but who is deceived by this illusion? If my self is an illusion, that would mean that I am deceived by my own existence? Like a fake oasis in the desert could actually come to believe it exist? But how can something illusory, who then doesn’t really exist, could come to perceive, let alone think?
Why would the self be the only illusion that think it is real? All other illusions don’t think. They are just wrongly perceived. But the self is a very weird illusion. It’s an illusion that is both the illusion, and the one who perceives the illusion. The deceived one and the deceiver. It is so convincing, it managed to convince itself that it is real.
And once again. If I admit that the self is an illusion (which I’m willing to do), I’m still wondering, who is perceiving this illusion? Is it perceiving itself, as Buddha seems to think? Or are we missing something, like another hidden self, perceiving the fake self? And if this illusion is indeed really perceiving itself, doesn’t that somehow automatically qualify it as being… in a way… a self (a subject, as in something that perceives)? Let’s admit that it all starts with an illusion. A lot of sensory experiences, memories, emotions, language, cultural codes, a body, etc… all bind together and create in the brain the illusion of the self, as buddhists explain, then this illusion becomes slowly so convincing for the mind ( at around 4 years old probably), that the illusion incidentally creates a self out of itself.
I don’t have any answers here, really sorry, only questions. I would love to hear the thoughts of some people who know buddhism please, to help me understand better, and open my mind to new questions I’m sure haha.
Thank you, have a good day :)
