Coffee house convos

“Hi, how are you?”

“Girl, I am so good. I just got a facial and a masasge, now I’m having a coffee, this day could not get any better. Well it could actually if I was childfree for an entire day but I’m not.”

“A facial and a massage?? Isn’t it fine for some!”

“Jesus, I haven’t had one in two years! Enough laying the guilt on me, it’s not like I do it all the time.”

“You’re like one of those women on; “Real housewives of New York” or something, isn’t that what they spend their time doing.”

“Yeah but they probably get them every week or something. Once every two years is acceptable I think.”

“I’d love one. There’s something about a stranger touching you that’s really nice.”

“I know what you mean. Like if your husband offers you a massage, we all know what that’s code for, you don’t get a massage in your own bed without it having to lead somewhere if you know what I mean.”

“Exactly! Why can’t a massage just be a massage? Why does it always have to be foreplay? Instead we have to pay a stranger to do it. Although I haven’t had one since I was pregnant. It did not go well.”

“Why what happened?”

“Well, I was eight months pregnant and someone bought me a pregnancy massage as a gift. My bump was so big I had to lie on my back, I could barely fit on the tiny table, then they used so much oil I was sliding all over the place. They left the room after and told me they would give me time to get dressed but sure I couldn’t get off the fecking table! I was stuck, it took three members of staff to lift me off. It was so embarrassing, like I thought I was going to go into labour there and then.”

“That is hilarious!”

“I haven’t been back since, I’m so mortified.”

“I’m sure they’ve seen it all girl, don’t worry. I once got a massage and the woman, now she was from Thailand, I don’t know if that had anything to do with it, but she massaged my boobs as well. Without any warning I might add. Just starts rubbing the oil in like it’s no big deal. I felt completely violated.”

“Did you tell her to stop?”

“No I kind of went into shock and just waited till she stopped. But I did write it in the comment card after, that I felt a bit violated.”

“Jesus, I’m glad I’m not the only one who had a bad massage experience!”

“Come here, I gotta go, school pick-up time again.”

“Alright girl, see ya later.”